In my last article I shared how staying in the closet saved my children’s lives, and helped them grow up to be open-minded, strong young ladies. However, there’s a third person in this equation that I want to now address – my ex-wife. The person who also lost life as she knew it, began second guessing herself, and ironically ended up finding out who she really was from this experience.
By no means am I sharing this part of the story to try to absolve myself, nor to convince anyone what I did by "coming out" late in life was the right thing to do. In fact, I came out at 19 and due to loving parents who were convinced I couldn’t be gay. I went back in the closet. I went to therapy, and resolved that yes; maybe this was a passing phase. In reality it did seem that way. So I started to date women and when I met my wife, I knew we were soul mates mentally and emotionally, just not physically. However, I did make the choice to try to move forward for all the wrong reasons – to save face with family, live within societal pressures, and because I was convinced getting married would change everything. Wrong again.
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Fast forward to 13 years into the marriage, I’ve come out to my wife, and from my perspective, and from things she has since shared with me, here’s what she went through, and what most spouses go through when a spouse comes out of the closet.
Typical Emotional States and Thoughts After A Spouse “Comes Out”