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What Happens On The Other Side Of The Closet

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What Happens On The Other Side Of The Closet
Fall apart, survive, or thrive after your spouse come's out of the closet. You get to choose!

In my last article I shared how staying in the closet saved my children’s lives, and helped them grow up to be open-minded, strong young ladies. However, there’s a third person in this equation that I want to now address – my ex-wife. The person who also lost life as she knew it, began second guessing herself, and ironically ended up finding out who she really was from this experience.

By no means am I sharing this part of the story to try to absolve myself, nor to convince anyone what I did by "coming out" late in life was the right thing to do. In fact, I came out at 19 and due to loving parents who were convinced I couldn’t be gay. I went back in the closet. I went to therapy, and resolved that yes; maybe this was a passing phase. In reality it did seem that way. So I started to date women and when I met my wife, I knew we were soul mates mentally and emotionally, just not physically. However, I did make the choice to try to move forward for all the wrong reasons – to save face with family, live within societal pressures, and because I was convinced getting married would change everything. Wrong again.

More from YourTango: Gender-Bending Hollywood: It's Time To Put The Boxing Gloves Down

More from YourTango: Coming Out In A Marriage: 6 Unrealistic Expectations

Fast forward to 13 years into the marriage, I’ve come out to my wife, and from my perspective, and from things she has since shared with me, here’s what she went through, and what most spouses go through when a spouse comes out of the closet.

Typical Emotional States and Thoughts After A Spouse “Comes Out”

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Rick Clemons

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Rick Clemons, The Gay Man's Life Coach & The Coming Out Coach

Rick is a straight-forward, compassionate, insightful, challenging, mentor, guide, and Certified Professional Coach who's been featured on The Ricki Lake Show, and is a highly sought after radio show personality, blogger, author, and faculty member of Sex Coach U. His loving, challenging, gentle, and inspiring approach ignites a fire in clients, helping them get through the darkest moments of life and come out the other side, kicking butt, and being authentically themselves.

Rick thrives, working with individuals, and those in their inner circle, as they embark on the journey out of the closet and beyond. He specializes in helping people build confidence, uncover their deepest passions, and live their life's purpose. Authenticity isn't just a word he throws around lightly. It's the backbone of his practice and the manner in which he personnally strives to live each and every day of his own life.

Join Rick's Monthly "Guyz Like Us" Free Coaching Call For Gay Men!

Sign-up for Ricks' Free Video Series, "Coming Out Without Coming Unglued!"

Connect with Rick through his Coming Out & Life Coaching Newsletter.

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Twitter - @rickclemons & @ComingOutCoach
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Location: Riverside, CA
Credentials: ACC, CPC
Specialties: LGBT Issues (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender), Men's Issues, Sexuality
Other Articles/News by Rick Clemons:

Gender-Bending Hollywood: It's Time To Put The Boxing Gloves Down

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Straight actors playing gay characters, and gay actors playing straight characters. Equal opportunity or not? To play or not to play, that is the question! No, I'm not referring to another baseball strike. Instead, let's talk straight actors stealing all the gay roles, e.g. Jared Leto playing Rayon in Dallas Buyers Club (big clap for the Oscar ... Read more

Coming Out In A Marriage: 6 Unrealistic Expectations

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When a spouse comes out, a lot of stuff hits the fan. Yet, does that give the jilted spouse a license to be unrealistic? I realize, I'm about to stir up some controversy. Please realize, I'm on both spouses' side when it comes to, well "coming out." No it's not pretty when a spouse has lived a dual life, and then comes out of the ... Read more

An Open Letter To The NFL — From A Gay Football Fan

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Dear Mr. Goodell, Esteemed, NFL Commissioner:  First and foremost, congratulations on running one of the most successful entertainment franchises in America. I know it must take a tremendous amount of talent and hours to make the NFL run like a well-executed winning Super Bowl touchdown. Secondly, I'd like to introduce myself. My name is Rick ... Read more

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