4. Monogamy isn't just one shade of grey! Everyone seems to think that gay men can't be monogamous (sigh). We can, we just do it by different standards. Here's a run-down of the spectrum:
- "Pure Monogamy": a man shares sex and intimacy with only his boyfriend.
- "Monogamy Bronze": a man shares sex and intimacy with his boyfriend and the couple agrees to playing with another guy.
- "Monogamy Silver": a man shares sex and intimacy with his boyfriend and another guy chosen to keep peace in the house.
- "Monogamy Gold": a man shares sex and intimacy with his boyfriend and no more than two other guys (but can't get jealous of them).
- "Monogamy Platinum": a man shares sex and intimacy with his boyfriend, and allows him to play with another guy (it doesn't matter who he's doing it with, as long as he's having safe sex, doing it where the couple can watch and the other guy agrees to being watched).
5. Be confident enough in yourself to be vulnerable to someone else. For the most part, gay men know exactly what they are doing when they say "Hey" on Grindr, cuddle up to the cute guy at the bar and find ourselves thinking, "It's just sex!" Yes, we do know all those things are just fodder for making us feel less than, not worthy and causing to break out in our own rendition of "Girl On Fire." We're fragile, we know it and while we may not admit it openly, we aren't just pretty faces. Even under the stereotypical guise of sex-craved men, for the most part, we're just men who are looking for acceptance.
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So if you were to take all these secrets and change the pronouns as necessary, what you'll find is that gay men are really just like any other sexual beings. We don't hold the secrets to sexual confidence; we simply hold the keys to being sexually true to who we are. And, as human beings, we screw it up from time to time, which is to be expected when you realize, boys will be boys, and men will be men — gay or straight!
Rick Clemons is a Certified Professional Coach who's been featured on The Ricki Lake Show, and is a highly sought after radio show guest, blogger, author, and Sex Coach U Faculty Member, who lovingly addresses the many facets of Coming Out for all who are touched by this Journey. Rick also hosted his own radio show, The Coming Out Lounge, and has been an expert guest on numerous other radio shows, and in print on national blogs. Sign-up for Ricks' free video series, "Coming Out Without Coming Unglued!" or connect with him through his Coming Out & Life Coaching Newsletter.
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