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Sexual Confidence: 5 Secrets You Can Learn From Gay Men

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sexual confidence
One secret: size matters ... of your confidence, that is.
You'll want to take notes from your gay guy friends.

I admit it: I'm a gay man. I like sex and I've had gay sex (quite a bit of it). I've even had straight sex. And, I'm here to share 5 Secrets You Can Learn From Gay Men To Knock Your Sexual Confidence Out Of The Park! Of course, you don't have to be gay, a man or even interested in having gay sex to understand anything I'm about to share with you.

From my perspective as a gay man, we don't have all the answers about sex just because we supposedly have so much of it. That's a stereotype that we gay men just seem to fashionably wear (provided it matches our Gucci loafers). Seriously though, contrary to popular belief, not all gay men are having one-night stands with every gay guy that pops in to our peripheral vision.

So what about the straight, married couple Jim and Susie who live at the end of the cul de sac with Fido and their 2.5 kids? (Please explain to me how you can have ".5" of a kid?) They're curious, but lacking in confidence. They might want to take notes from their gay neighbors, which leads me to sharing the below secrets to boosting your sexual confidence.

More from YourTango: An Open Letter To The NFL — From A Gay Football Fan

1. Exploration builds confidence. If you never learned how to ride a bike, how confident are you in riding one? If you shied away from learning new dance moves, how are you ever going to be anything but a wallflower at the party? Get the point? If you don't explore and satisfy your sexual curiosities, then you'll never build the confidence to express your desires: "I want to tie you up in the lounge chair by the pool in plain view of the neighbors."

2. Size matters. Yes, there are size queens whether you're a gay man, straight woman, lesbian or straight man. We all desire a certain size of "something" from our sexual and intimate relationships. Gay men take it one step further. We judge ourselves by the size of our belief in ourselves. Why else do we strive for the best clothes or become gym bunnies to achieve outrageously chiseled bodies? The size of our confidence is in direct proportion to the size of our belief that we are sexual goliaths in bed!

3. Masculinity and femininity are not mutually exclusive. This is the truth and if you can't grasp it, then you need to go back to health class. Remember X and Y-chromosomes? We all have them. The difference is, we gay men let them coexist in the condos of our human forms. Even the most butch, leather-clad gay man, allows his femininity to take center stage once the lights go down, the chaps come off and he utters to his lover, "Just take me!" 

More from YourTango: Mr. Tax Man, Give Me A 'Gay Break!'

The key here is to realize that there is a sexual spectrum fluid in all of us. We all float between our gender identity (what we feel in our mind) and our gender expression (how we dress, act and speak), regardless of our gender identity (what's between our legs) and our sexual orientation (which gender we are attracted to physically and emotionally). Keep reading ...

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Rick Clemons

Author

Rick Clemons, The Gay Man's Life Coach & The Coming Out Coach

Rick is a straight-forward, compassionate, insightful, challenging, mentor, guide, and Certified Professional Coach who's been featured on The Ricki Lake Show, and is a highly sought after radio show personality, blogger, author, and faculty member of Sex Coach U. His loving, challenging, gentle, and inspiring approach ignites a fire in clients, helping them get through the darkest moments of life and come out the other side, kicking butt, and being authentically themselves.

Rick thrives, working with individuals, and those in their inner circle, as they embark on the journey out of the closet and beyond. He specializes in helping people build confidence, uncover their deepest passions, and live their life's purpose. Authenticity isn't just a word he throws around lightly. It's the backbone of his practice and the manner in which he personnally strives to live each and every day of his own life.

Join Rick's Monthly "Guyz Like Us" Free Coaching Call For Gay Men!

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Twitter - @rickclemons & @ComingOutCoach
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Location: Riverside, CA
Credentials: ACC, CPC
Specialties: LGBT Issues (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender), Men's Issues, Sexuality
Other Articles/News by Rick Clemons:

An Open Letter To The NFL — From A Gay Football Fan

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Dear Mr. Goodell, Esteemed, NFL Commissioner:  First and foremost, congratulations on running one of the most successful entertainment franchises in America. I know it must take a tremendous amount of talent and hours to make the NFL run like a well-executed winning Super Bowl touchdown. Secondly, I'd like to introduce myself. My name is Rick ... Read more

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The only thing certain in gay marriage is death and screwed up taxes. Ah yes. As sure as the moon rises and the sun sets, April showers and tax season arrive each year. And this year is no different, unless you're gay and got married in one of the 17 states or District of Columbia where same-sex marriage is legal. If so, then welcome to your tax-filing ... Read more

Coming Out: Five Biggest Regrets After Escaping The Closet

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It’s been almost 14 years since I came out of the closet. I’ve now been with my partner, almost as long as I was married. And, I’ve almost spent a third of my life on the other side of the closet door, being authentically who I am – a gay man. So what does that all add up to? A lot of joy, heartache, peace, and regrets. Today I want to ... Read more

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