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Perks of Being A Voyeur


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Sex

Sex and intimacy doesn’t necessarily require participation. And that's ok!

I love sex. I don’t deny it. I have enjoyed sex from a very young age and I find it healthy to have sex. Now before you gasp and pass judgment on the “very young age” comment, I’m referring to my voyeuristic child views of sex and intimacy. I don’t know if as a child I was more in tune with my sexuality, or if it was because I was going through my pre-pubescent years during the late 60’s and early 70’s. You know, the era of free-love. Guys walking around with their shirts unbuttoned exposing their happy trails. Gals with butt cheeks hanging out of their hot pants. And of course, let’s not forget the occasional streaker letting everything hang out in public.

Those days kept my mind active and my developing libido in over drive. They also, validated I was more attracted to men than to women, I really didn’t know what to do with the butterflies in my stomach nor the pole jutting from my crotch at that age. Nonetheless, I learned something that continues to enhance my sexual and intimate experiences today. To be a voyeur is as satisfying as being an active participant. Now, hold your horses and put that phone down. No need to call the authorities and send them after me for stalking, or looking in windows. I’m a far cry from that kind of creepy, crawly, voyeurism. What I’m referring to is an ability to tap into your imagination, push your will power into admiration, and allow yourself not to be the focus of the climax.

I know, I am soooo not sounding like the stereotypical gay man right now. Well shame on you for placing that stereotypical burden on me. I never said I was stereotypical. In fact, I pride myself on being exquisitely eccentric in my execution of my gayness and my sexuality. I like it that I can be a wham bam thank you sir one day, and then a demure little cockette flirt that teases you into climax the next. For me, sex and intimacy should be a two way street, a one-way street, and a detour from the expected to keep the love alive and the man interested. So how do I do this?

  • I fantasize! Yes I do and I make no bones about it. It’s one of the ways I voyeuristically allow myself to go places that I might not go if given the true opportunity.
     
  • I encourage my sexual partners to perform and let me just watch. Of course now, I only do that with my partner. By performing, I mean letting them do whatever feels comfortable for themselves...while I watch. Honestly, you can’t be raring to go all the time, otherwise, why would there be so many erectile dysfunction ads during prime-time news! My solution, rather than popping a pill, is to watch my partner be in pure pleasure and ecstasy without me having to get off. It’s a turn on that I freely admit! Sorry, probably, TMI!
     
  • I like watching gay men in real life. That doesn’t mean I’m hitting the sex party circuit or bathhouses. It just means I like being in the company of gay men, watching them be intimate and letting that fill my cup of sexual energy to the brim. There’s something about two men sharing a touch on a leg, a stolen glance, or a simple finger stroke right at the nape of the neck, that fills my sexual energy cup with desire. It’s even better when I know they haven’t seen me watching them. That’s when my voyeur truly gets a stir in my 2xist trunks.
     
  • I watch porn, read porn, and am not ashamed to admit it. Why? For me, porn doesn’t mean I’m not satisfied. It means I am experiencing my sexual self to it’s fullest. I know I’m a sexual being and that in order to fully be in that energy of myself I need to embrace it, not deny it. For me reading porn, even soft porn like 50 Shades of Grey, enables my libido to stay active without putting anyone at risk. Plus, it satisfies my voyeuristic inner diva.

While voyeurism may be frowned upon by a sexually pent up world, I find it liberating. In fact, I always find it amusing when a straight man gets his Jockey’s in a bunch when I talk about this in my sexuality talks. My response to him is, “Have you ever looked at a good looking woman?” The usual response is, “Yes.” With a Cheshire grin, I respond, “Welcome to the brotherhood of voyeurs!”

Rick Clemons, The Coming Out Coach
Certified Professional Coach (CPC), Energy Leader Index, Master Practioner (ELI-MP), International Coach Federation, Associate Certified Coach (ACC)

Rick Clemons is a Certified Professional Coach who's been featured on The Ricki Lake Show, and is a highly sought after radio show guest, blogger, author, and Sex Coach U Faculty Member, who lovingly addresses the many facets of Coming Out for all who are touched by this Journey. Rick also hosted his own radio show, The Coming Out Lounge, and has been an expert guest on numerous other radio shows, and in print on national blogs.

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