Three plus weeks and counting, and the rumors and truths continue to fly across the media as to where, when, why, what, and how Joe Simpson, Manager and Father of Jessica Simpson, “came out of the closet.” All mud slinging aside, the fact remains he’s now out, had a “lover” on the side, and it appears was being extorted for money to keep things hush, hush. That’s what we know, so to speak.
On the flip side, we can only assume that Jessica, sister Ashlee, and mom Tina, have probably about had it up to their eyeballs in alligators with speculations, and constant privacy invasions, as the world tunes in to get to the real “coming out” story. To that I say, “How would you like your life being examined under the proverbial media microscope?” Probably about as much as you’d like to be going in for a colonoscopy! Give the Simpsons some privacy and let the ratings show, that Joe Simpson has been cancelled from this family dynamic, as it was known. In fact, let’s just remove the “celebrity” from their family tree and examine, what anyone in this situation is dealing with after the tornado of truth has thrown everything asunder.
On The Other Side Of The Closet Lies...
Anger, resentment, and lack of trust. Regardless of whether your spouse/dad just came out of the closet, or if your partner cheated on you, it would be surprising if you didn’t feel angry, resentful, and hell bent on never trusting anyone again. Un-tethered from the constraints of “minding your emotions,” these reactions leap out blatantly and subtly depending on the demeanor of the individual experiencing them. No one persons reaction will be identical, but know, that in this moment, Jessica, Ashlee, and Tina have been doing an intimate tap dance in these emotional states for a few weeks and the reprieve will only come when they’re ready to release.
Self-doubt and Not Good Enough. Jessica, check. Ashlee, check. Tina, check. Joe, check. Wait. Joe? Why should we give him any latitude to feel anything other than like the dog poop that your neighbor forgot clean off the sidewalk? Let him mire in guilt, shame, and rot in a heap of RuPal’s cast away garments. Make him out to be the villain, but in reality, no one in the inner circle of a family torn apart by “coming out” or a partner’s infidelity can escape the feelings of self-doubt and “I’m not good enough.”
Yin & Yang Of "Screw You" and "Forgive You." Forgiveness, usually saunters into to play a sustaining role in these types of dramas, right out the gate. Try, try, try, its futile attempts to be heard are overshadowed by the beating pulse of “SCREW YOU!” Rare is the occasion, at least in the initial firestorm, that any cry for absolution can be heard. Acutely focused on revenge, emotions of the heart over power logic, until logic is given a chance to make the case that forgiveness empowers the release so that healing can occur. While there is no “golden rule” how to balance this duality, Joe should anticipate, months and years before a cloak of forgiveness could come his way.
What’s next? Not to be confused with “When’s the other shoe going to drop?” mentality, often all the players on the field will be asking, “What’s next for me, for us?” Major life transitions lead to “Y’s” in the road that often have never been traversed. Whether you’re the Jessica, Ashlee, or Tina being left in the wake of the aftermath, or the Joe who appears to be skipping off to live his happy, happy, gay life, know this. No one gets through divorce, death, career transitions, births, or a spouse coming out of the closet without feeling and wondering, “What’s next, and can I truly survive this?” If you’re deep in this feeling then ask this one question, “If I knew what was next, what would I be feeling?” Could be that you’d feel more stress, angst, and uncertainty. On the other hand you might feel freed, optimistic, and happier. No matter how the question gets answered, simply letting yourself come to the answer rather than forcing it, will take some of the stress off your shoulders.
Given the fact that this story will soon fade into the hither and yon of the past, the one thing to be considered for all concerned, is how soon can they let the story fade into their past so they can be fully in their new present? How about you? What are you still holding onto from your past relationship(s) that you need to let slip into the past rather than letting it continue to play as a re-run in your life?
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