- Overtly homophobic. As the media has shown us over and over again, many a man “comes out” by being forced out due to their blatant disdain towards homosexuality. Tangled in their own web of lies Mark Folley, Ted Haggard, Phil Hinkle, Jim McGreevey all played their “no gay me for me cards” only to be caught with their pants down with individuals of the same sex! While not a 100% guarantee that your man’s playing for the other side, it does make you wonder, “Is he really that insecure or is it a cover up?”
Overly evasive or secretive. Whether it’s protecting their emails and texts, or always changing the subject about where they’ve been, if your man is uber sensitive in these arenas, then there’s a good chance that one of two things is up.
1) He’s having an affair or
2) He’s gay and hiding his truth
Of course the third possibility is
3) He’s gay and having an affair with a man
No matter what the reality is, something’s come up and it’s getting in the way of your relationship, so it’s time to get to the bottom of it – for the good of both of you!
Lingering and longing. This one’s pretty straight forward – you catch your man checking out other men. Doesn’t matter if it’s in public, pics in magazines, or on the 52” screen of your home theater. When his eyes linger with hunger and desire on a fine specimen of the male species...something’s stirring. Admittedly it could be a simple “Bromance” – man-to-man admiration.
No more rocket in the pocket. Erectile Dysfunction (ED) is either self-induced or the real deal. In the case of a man who’s fighting his core sexuality, it’s not uncommon for his spouse and her desires for sexual intimacy to be told to take a number and wait. Even special occasion sex – birthday’s and anniversaries – get’s wrapped up in the excuse of “Not now I’m really tired!” Regardless of the reason, doing a little extra homework in this area to uncover the true reason for the lack, will help to reveal the truth and might just provide some intimate fun along the way!
- Al Bundy Makeover – Even Peg Bundy would have perked up and thrown her sexual overtures at Al if he’d strutted into the room looking like Ryan Reynolds or Bradley Cooper. Often his slightest shift in grooming, clothing style, and time spent at the gym leads to an extreme makeover that still doesn’t guarantee that Al’s heading back to your boudoir. If your man’s looking finer than he ever did in college, leave some room for his own desire to better himself, but don’t be so naïve that it’s all just for his own good. He may be making himself good for the other man in his life!
Regardless of the reasons that are causing you to believe your man may be wandering to the other side of the fence (check out additional article "No Hiding Your Gay" over at Truth Talks Blog), the sooner you get to the bottom of the situation the sooner you can release the suspicious energy. This is a catabolic energy (destructive) that tears your energy stores down and prevents you from being able to manifest higher levels of anabolic (building energy).
For you men navigating this world of “straddling the sexuality fence,” I only share these observations with your female counterparts as a means to bring you both to a place of clarity. It’s your health and mental well being that are at risk each day that you live hidden in the shadows of your truth. Regardless of how painful you may believe it to be “on the other side of the closet door,” truth is, "it’s more painful and stressful to lead the dual life."
More from YourTango: As Told By A Gay Son: 3 Life Lessons From My Straight Father
Coming Out Coach Rick specializes in working with men, women, couples and families during the transition when a spouse comes out of the closet. Drawing from his own coming out experience, Rick facilitates mutually beneficial rebirths for all concerned that reflect an energetic shift that is a win/win. For more information, visit rickclemons.com. When contacting Coming Out Coach Rick, mention YourTango to receive a unique YourTango, Your Truth special offer for services provided by Coming Out Coach Rick.