I turned 50 this year. In gay years that’s like turning 70. To some, I’m now a daddy, even though I’ve been a daddy for over 18 years. To others I’m a poppa bear. Whatever! I may be a big, tall, stocky, gay man, but the last time I looked, I wasn’t covered in fur, except in all the right places. I really don’t care how I’m labeled, because I’ve learned, fingers crossed behind my back, to let it go.
Although it may seem painful to “let go,” a majority of the time letting go creates a rocking “When Chase Met Logan” moment. Euphoric, relaxing, refreshing, and exhilarating states tickle us from head to toe similar to an orgasm. This metaphoric juxtaposition has a point. If letting go of things created an orgasmic release, how would gay men spend their time? Sorry! Didn’t mean to throw the stereotypical, “Gay men are all about sex,” comparison into the prose. It just happened to drive the point home!
Of course, this soul searching, let it go, light bulb moment has been a reality check for me in the wake of turning 5-0, sending my oldest off to college, and cross-checking my mid-life bucket list. More than a few times I’ve gotten my Calvin’s in a bunch frustrated by thoughts of what have I been doing? Thank goodness for good friends, my partner, kids, and coach who’ve eagerly lined up to give me swift kick in the nether regions, which has an uncanny affect on thought stimulation!
Jolted out of my own slippery slope toward “gay mans regrets,” which requires a 24-step recovery program, I found myself drifting towards the brilliant question, “What is it gay men need to let go of?” Of course the first picture that I conjured up in my head isn’t something I’ll share. You can use your own imagination. However, what I landed on are 10 worthwhile “letting go”releases I believe all gay men are fully capable of liberating themselves from without losing their gay card!
10 Things Gay Men Need To Let Go Of For Their Sanity!
Being too gay. For crying out loud, is this even possible? The spectrum of gay is far too vast for anything, or any gay man to be too gay!
Fear of being yourself. Don’t do that! Don’t’ be yourself. It would be a horrible assault on your snippy, catty, Mommie Dearest persona, if you were found out to be a subdued, intellectual, book worm yearning for a white picket fence, and 2.5 houseboys to care for you and the husband!
Trepidation of getting older. In the beginning there was gay baby boy. In the end there’s dead gay man. Sorry to be so harsh, but boys, none of us are getting out of this alive, so suck it up and be your best boy now. And, out of respect for the rest of us, please quit squeezing into your Rough Rider sleeveless-t from 20 years ago!
Intimacy Anxiety Disorder (IAD not to be confused with IUD, which we gay men don’t need). Lesson #1, sex is sex. Lesson #2, intimacy is intimacy. Lesson #3, sex and intimacy play well together. Lesson #4, it doesn’t mean you’re weird if you want more intimacy in your life than sex. Man up and admit intimacy turns you on! Phobia
Living in the gay bubbles. I’m biased about this because I’ve never lived in a gay bubble, gay ghetto, gay enclave, however you want to describe the major gay gathering places – West Hollywood, Castro, The Village, so on and so forth. Nothing’s wrong with any of these places and I love visiting them. The eye-candy’s great, and the camaraderie supportive. However, lovely as these rainbow neighborhoods are, they can be devastating to the gay man’s ego. So consider Montana. Wide open spaces to frolic naked without a soul insight. Of course, that could be a problem...not a soul insight and frolicking naked as a gay man is probably illegal. Heterosexuals can frolick naked, just not gay men!
Being afraid of straight men. Admit it. Straight men drive us crazy and scare us. Not all of them just some of them. How do you overcome this fear? Same ways you don’t get up close and personal with a grizzly bear in the wild...don’t feed them. Straight men thrive on being fed, just like us. Realize, they may be straight, but they’re still men. They just don’t get to enjoy life the way we do, so don’t make your sexuality an issue.
Locker room nightmares. Stop it already! Whether you pretended to be really cool and “all that” stripping down in the gym locker room, or made it your mission to be the slowest stripper in the school, those memories are your past. Past doesn’t have to equal present and future. Really, it doesn’t! So stop it!
Imaginary inches. Do I really have to explain this one? You know what I’m talking about. The tool works the same way whether it’s 2 or 10, and there’s no way every gay male is 8+. Enough said!
Homophobia. Yes I went there. In the words of Ru Paul, “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else!” Truer words have never been spoken. It resides within each of us. Some tiny kernel of homophobia towards our gay brothers, and ourselves shows up when we least expect it. Kindly ask it to “Sashay away!”
Lack of confidence. There’s hardly enough room in your Louis Vuitton luggage for your white party outfit because your self-doubts have got every bag filled to the zippers! Wait, you wouldn’t even attempt going to the White Party because you don’t have the confidence to go! Seriously, whether its career, love, success, or White Party, it’s our own self-induced lack of self-esteem that consistently gets in the way of us being our confident selves. Pack it up in a cheap set of Samsonite with a one-way ticket to “bite me!”
Now that I’ve vented out my deepest “let it go” thoughts, I feel cleansed for now. In case of emergencies though, I keep a full bottle of “Please release me lube” at the ready anytime I need to flood the crazy thoughts that keep me in the arms of self-guided insanity.
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