Say what you want about gay men: they're commitment phobic, dressed to the nines, overtly sexual, fast living and loving, artistic, creative, tender. Infinite words could be used to describe a gay man. After all, gay men are not unlike the rest of earth's inhabitants. They're as unique as winter snowflakes. But for all their diverse characteristics, styles, attitudes and good looks, there's a dark side to the gay male population that often isn't talked about ... depression.
Why the heck do you think that is? Just because (fair warning: overtly exaggerated list to follow) we all have killer bodies, loads of disposable income, fantastic jobs, more sex and orgasms than the average Joe, doesn't immunize us from the wrath of the "d" word! It's quite to the contrary. In fact, Google "gay depression" and you'll see the magnitude of impact this disease is having on gay men. By no means am I discounting the effect depression has on lesbians, transgenders, bisexuals and heterosexuals. It's become a human condition to be depressed in some way shape and form. (And, if you're disagreeing with me then I'd love to meet ya and live your depressed-free life!)
Rather than play tit for tat about who's more depressed, I want to move on and get to the heart of why so many gay men suffer from depression. The obvious assumptions by those who know no better, and who love to hold the party line, "It's because of the lifestyle they've chosen!" To that I say, "Then you're probably depressed because of the lifestyle you've chosen which constantly pushes you to degrade the way others live, just so you can feel holier than thou!" (Okay, now I'll get off my soap box and back to the regularly scheduled program of why gay men are depressed.)
The Top 5 Reasons Gay Men Become Depressed
1. "I'm not good enough." While this is a common thread amongst humans, for some reason, this feeling gets exacerbated in gay men. It stems from the societal conditioning and lack of confidence and acceptance on many fronts. The solution? Uncover your good enough gifts! We've all got them, but if we don't go find them, appreciate them, and use them to our benefit to feel good, then how the heck we ever going to be good enough for anyone else?
2. "I can't find love." Take a number, honey! But seriously, "love" being the operative word, for many gay men, it comes in a lot of different forms. Love could be the acceptance of a social circle. Or, it could be the love that jumps from their favorite "hookup" app because they're always being courted and sought after for a toss in the hay. However, I think for many a gay man finding love means exactly what most people think; finding love with that just right person. It's kind of like finding your passion in life. Of course, for gay men this means finding Mr. Right vs. Mr. Right Now. Therein lies the challenge. The masculine energy, for the most part, thrives on sexual conquests. The feminine energy, steps in and thrives on intimacy and bonding. To overcome the depression of "Find Me A Man," first, get very clear on what type of man and relationship you are seeking ... extremely clear. By creating a clear vision of what you desire in the love department, there’ll be less likelihood of settling. Not settling leads to less depression because you're not taking whatever comes along. And, make sure you don't let the conquest for your vision depress you. The right guy and right relationship are out there. You've simply got to believe, girl! Believe!
3. "My job sucks!" Yes, we get that. Everyone at some point in time has been in a dead-end job or career. Even the Kardashians. They just don't realize it yet! When many gay men get tripped up in the job arena and find themselves going down the rabbit hole of "occupational depression," they're just doing something to get a pay check and pay the bills. No harm. No foul. We've all been there. Yet, many a gay man gets caught up in the "let's just get by job mode" in order to have plenty of play time. There's nothing wrong with playtime, but if you can't afford to play, then it's no wonder that "living your passion" hasn't come to life. Instead of focusing on the negative of your current situation, start asking, "What's best about it? How does it showcase my talents and gifts? What would my ideal career look like?" Combine these three things, plus a few other pertinent questions into an active, focused, career transition plan, mixed with a powerful dose of self-confidence and you'll be well on your way to a job that fits you like that hot pair of jeans you're sporting! Keep reading...
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