ProConnect

Be the man a man wants, not the man who needs a man!

By

Be the man a man wants, not the man who needs a man!
Clingy, needy, on him like a panting dog. Honey, that just ain’t pretty on anyone, not even gay men.

What do homosexuals and heterosexuals have in common? The innate ability to go into their own heads, create crazy making scripts that incapacitate their ability to be independent yet dependent in a relationship. That was a mouthful. Whittled down interpretation...we’re all clingy and needy in our own ways! Yes, even you Mr. Gay Man!

No matter what your sexual orientation is, the need to be validated by others never seems to fully retreat. For gay men, this comes in the form of community acceptance, random sex partners, drugs, alcohol, and venturing into honest to goodness dating relationships. The quest then becomes, moving from needy to being wanted. Now don’t get all anxious or defensive. Needy is as needy does; wanting is as wanting does; and desire is as desire does. Confused? Let’s break it down.

More from YourTango: Coming Out In A Marriage: 6 Unrealistic Expectations

If you’re a needy gay guy, there’s a high likelihood that you will attract a gay guy that wants to be needed. In this scenario, you are both feeding each other until you both get fed. Once fed, one of you, if not both of you, is going to move on because the satisfaction of being needed or needing wanes over time, and like a drug, you will need a new fix to satisfy your needs. That’s just way to many needs in one sentence but hopefully you get the drift. The other possibility is that your relationship will become volatile because you both need each other to supply needs or satisfy needs, and you will pit each other against one another trying to accommodate these mutual yet diverse needs.

More from YourTango: An Open Letter To The NFL — From A Gay Football Fan

Want and desire on the other hand, remove the “need” element from the equation. There ya go! Kick need out of the way and get focused on want and desire. How do you do this? Admit, wholeheartedly, that you don’t need a man. Go ahead and say it out loud right now. Once you clearly see that you don’t need a man and that you want and desire a man in your life, the game begins to change.

5 Ways To Be The Man A Man Wants

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Rick Clemons

Author

Rick Clemons, The Gay Man's Life Coach & The Coming Out Coach

Rick is a straight-forward, compassionate, insightful, challenging, mentor, guide, and Certified Professional Coach who's been featured on The Ricki Lake Show, and is a highly sought after radio show personality, blogger, author, and faculty member of Sex Coach U. His loving, challenging, gentle, and inspiring approach ignites a fire in clients, helping them get through the darkest moments of life and come out the other side, kicking butt, and being authentically themselves.

Rick thrives, working with individuals, and those in their inner circle, as they embark on the journey out of the closet and beyond. He specializes in helping people build confidence, uncover their deepest passions, and live their life's purpose. Authenticity isn't just a word he throws around lightly. It's the backbone of his practice and the manner in which he personnally strives to live each and every day of his own life.

Join Rick's Monthly "Guyz Like Us" Free Coaching Call For Gay Men!

Sign-up for Ricks' Free Video Series, "Coming Out Without Coming Unglued!"

Connect with Rick through his Coming Out & Life Coaching Newsletter.

Schedule A Discovery Session - Click Here

Twitter - @rickclemons & @ComingOutCoach
Facebook -The Gay Man's Life Coach & Rick The Coming Out Coach
You Tube Channel -The Gay Man's Life Coach & Coming Out Coach

Location: Riverside, CA
Credentials: ACC, CPC
Specialties: LGBT Issues (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender), Men's Issues, Sexuality
Other Articles/News by Rick Clemons:

Coming Out In A Marriage: 6 Unrealistic Expectations

By

When a spouse comes out, a lot of stuff hits the fan. Yet, does that give the jilted spouse a license to be unrealistic? I realize, I'm about to stir up some controversy. Please realize, I'm on both spouses' side when it comes to, well "coming out." No it's not pretty when a spouse has lived a dual life, and then comes out of the ... Read more

An Open Letter To The NFL — From A Gay Football Fan

By

Dear Mr. Goodell, Esteemed, NFL Commissioner:  First and foremost, congratulations on running one of the most successful entertainment franchises in America. I know it must take a tremendous amount of talent and hours to make the NFL run like a well-executed winning Super Bowl touchdown. Secondly, I'd like to introduce myself. My name is Rick ... Read more

Mr. Tax Man, Give Me A 'Gay Break!'

By

The only thing certain in gay marriage is death and screwed up taxes. Ah yes. As sure as the moon rises and the sun sets, April showers and tax season arrive each year. And this year is no different, unless you're gay and got married in one of the 17 states or District of Columbia where same-sex marriage is legal. If so, then welcome to your tax-filing ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Summer In Paradise

2 Reasons Why Love Escapes You

Never feel loved? Want to feel special, be treated like you deserve want to find a man who loves you

Hug Text

It’s Emotional Infidelity

12 warning signs that you may be cheating and not just friends

Computer Problems

Meeting Online: Safety Tips to Date By

Meeting online requires a little more vigilance than other types of dating.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS