What do homosexuals and heterosexuals have in common? The innate ability to go into their own heads, create crazy making scripts that incapacitate their ability to be independent yet dependent in a relationship. That was a mouthful. Whittled down interpretation...we’re all clingy and needy in our own ways! Yes, even you Mr. Gay Man!
No matter what your sexual orientation is, the need to be validated by others never seems to fully retreat. For gay men, this comes in the form of community acceptance, random sex partners, drugs, alcohol, and venturing into honest to goodness dating relationships. The quest then becomes, moving from needy to being wanted. Now don’t get all anxious or defensive. Needy is as needy does; wanting is as wanting does; and desire is as desire does. Confused? Let’s break it down.
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If you’re a needy gay guy, there’s a high likelihood that you will attract a gay guy that wants to be needed. In this scenario, you are both feeding each other until you both get fed. Once fed, one of you, if not both of you, is going to move on because the satisfaction of being needed or needing wanes over time, and like a drug, you will need a new fix to satisfy your needs. That’s just way to many needs in one sentence but hopefully you get the drift. The other possibility is that your relationship will become volatile because you both need each other to supply needs or satisfy needs, and you will pit each other against one another trying to accommodate these mutual yet diverse needs.
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Want and desire on the other hand, remove the “need” element from the equation. There ya go! Kick need out of the way and get focused on want and desire. How do you do this? Admit, wholeheartedly, that you don’t need a man. Go ahead and say it out loud right now. Once you clearly see that you don’t need a man and that you want and desire a man in your life, the game begins to change.
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