Frankly My Dear I'm Gay - Part 4


Frankly My Dear I'm Gay - Part 4
Who do you really want to be when the dust settles after your spouse comes out of the closet?

Truth is, the ‘who’ game can be played all day, an entire week, or for a lifetime. The good news is, the deeper you delve into your ‘who’ during big life transformations, the easier it is to actually visualize yourself in the new life answering the question of “When will I move on?”

Moving On...It Ain’t No Fancy Dance Step...Or is It?
Whether your coping with a terminal disease, watching your nest empty out, or facing divorce because your spouse came out of the closet, the ultimate goal, for most, is to move on in a healthy manner and with the least amount of ‘stress.’ Doing so requires being truly in tune with your ‘new WHO’ so that you can ‘let go!’


Knowing who you want to be creates a solid sense of direction. It empowers you to ‘let go’ of whatever your ‘new who’ has determined you need to release. For example, as the heterosexual spouse, some signs that you’ll know you’ve let go might be...

  • You’re no longer ashamed that you married a gay man.
  • Stepping into a new relationship, you don’t ask, “Is she a lesbian too?”
  • What other people think about your former spouse being a homosexual doesn’t get under your skin.

For the 'newly out' individual, some feelings of letting go may be...

  • Guilt of having lived a lie and hurt a spouse no longer consumes you.
  • What the gay community thinks about your past life becomes irrelevant.
  • You know  you can live your "gay/lesbisan" life and still be a supportive ex-partner and parent.

Everyone’s ‘who’ and ‘when will I let go’ is different. Are there similarities of experience and outcomes? Absolutely. However, if we get stuck in the why, what, and how questions, we can never step into the discovery of our new ‘who’ in order to finally ‘let go.’ Each of these questions that get asked in the midst of life’s monumental transitions serve a powerful purpose. The beauty is allowing each question to serve their purpose so that we can re-invent our ‘who’ and ‘let go’ of what wasn’t supposed to be in the first place.

Coming Out Coach Rick specializes in working with couples and families during the transition when a spouse comes out of the closet. Drawing from his own coming out experience, Rick facilitates mutually beneficial rebirths for all concerned, rebirths that reflect an energetic shift that is a win/win. For more information, email Mention YourTango to receive a unique YourTango, Your Truth offer.

Article contributed by

Rick Clemons


Rick Clemons, The Gay Man's Life Coach & The Coming Out Coach

Rick is a straight-forward, compassionate, insightful, challenging, mentor, guide, and Certified Professional Coach who's been featured on The Ricki Lake Show, and is a highly sought after radio show personality, blogger, author, and faculty member of Sex Coach U. His loving, challenging, gentle, and inspiring approach ignites a fire in clients, helping them get through the darkest moments of life and come out the other side, kicking butt, and being authentically themselves.

Rick thrives, working with individuals, and those in their inner circle, as they embark on the journey out of the closet and beyond. He specializes in helping people build confidence, live their passion while loving their work, and live authentically. Authenticity isn't just a word he throws around lightly. It's the backbone of his practice and the manner in which he personnally strives to live each and every day of his own life.

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Location: Riverside, CA
Credentials: ACC, CPC
Specialties: LGBT Issues (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender), Men's Issues, Sexuality
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