Frankly My Dear I'm Gay - Part 4

By

Frankly My Dear I'm Gay - Part 4
Who do you really want to be when the dust settles after your spouse comes out of the closet?

Thus far in this series, we’ve addressed the why, what, and how questions that you may find yourself asking after a spouse declares, “Frankly My Dear I’m Gay!” Each of these questions presents unique nuances and a multitude of answers. Depending on your emotional state of mind and the manner in which your newly out spouse behaves, you could ruminate in the why, what and how for years. Unless you ask two final questions...

Who do I want to be?

 

When will I let go?

Having worked with clients on both sides of the “coming out of the closet” doorway, until the "Who do I want to be?" question gets answered, then "When will i let go?" question can’t even be entertained. Why? Let’s go explore!

Who am I now that my spouse is “out?”
Without being flippant, you’re the same person you were prior to their grand announcement. Similarly, your ‘out’ spouse is still the same person they were but their ‘who’ has a new “latent” facet that has come forth begging them to be truly who they are – the homosexual they have always been.

Each person in the equation, in their own unique way, is embarking on a fresh journey to uncover new elements of their ‘who.’ The heterosexual spouse may ask...

  • Who’s going be interested in me after I was married to a gay man?
  • Who in their right mind doesn’t see that their wife was a lesbian?
  • Who is going to trust me to be a good judge of others after this?
  • Who’s going to let their kids play with my kids now that I’m divorced and the ex-spouse of a homosexual?

The individual who just 'came out,' even though they feel released to new heights of freedom, could ask...

  • Who’s going to love me when for years I couldn’t love myself?
  • Who can trust me after I’ve lied for years?
  • Who wants to be with a breeder? (Yes, some gays don’t want to be with breeders, but that’s a whole other topic!)

Keep reading...

More Juicy Content From YourTango:

Article contributed by

Rick Clemons

Author

Rick Clemons, The Gay Man's Life Coach & The Coming Out Coach

Rick is a straight-forward, compassionate, insightful, challenging, mentor, guide, and Certified Professional Coach who's been featured on The Ricki Lake Show, and is a highly sought after radio show personality, blogger, author, and faculty member of Sex Coach U. His loving, challenging, gentle, and inspiring approach ignites a fire in clients, helping them get through the darkest moments of life and come out the other side, kicking butt, and being authentically themselves.

Rick thrives, working with individuals, and those in their inner circle, as they embark on the journey out of the closet and beyond. He specializes in helping people build confidence, live their passion while loving their work, and live authentically. Authenticity isn't just a word he throws around lightly. It's the backbone of his practice and the manner in which he personnally strives to live each and every day of his own life.

Join Rick's Monthly "Guyz Like Us" Free Coaching Call For Gay Men!

Connect with Rick through his Coming Out & Life Coaching Newsletter.

Schedule A Discovery Session - Click Here

Twitter - @rickclemons
Facebook -The Gay Man's Life Coach & Rick The Coming Out Coach
You Tube Channel -The Gay Man's Life Coach & Coming Out Coach

Location: Riverside, CA
Credentials: ACC, CPC
Specialties: LGBT Issues (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender), Men's Issues, Sexuality
Other Articles/News by Rick Clemons:

Love The Drama? Fine! 10 Ways To Be Miserable As A Gay Man

By

Misery loves company, but that doesn't mean it wants to hang out with the whole gay population. I confess, I was once a miserable gay man, and I still am from time to time. But, for the most part I've found practices for staying mindful about the things that pull me under. Believe me, it's not easy staying clear of the misery pit; but, it's even ... Read more

10 Things I Want My Younger, Gay Self To Know

By

Dear Little Rickey (or any other young gay man just finding his way), I'm about to talk to you. Not in a bad way. Consider it more like your own mini-version of "Back To The Future." I know you don't know what that means, but just trust me, when you catch up to it you'll love that movie. You see, I'm chatting with you right now ... Read more

10 Things I Need My Ex-Wife To Know After Coming Out As A Gay Man

By

Beyond the initial hurt, lies, and confusion, there is more to be said. The question is—are you willing to listen? I always dread these types of conversations, yet on the other hand, I also get simultaneously excited because I know I'm about to go there ... to a place where I can be raw, naked, real. They call that space "the ... Read more

See More

 
PARTNER POSTS
My Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular