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Frankly My Dear I'm Gay - Part 4

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Frankly My Dear I'm Gay - Part 4
Who do you really want to be when the dust settles after your spouse comes out of the closet?

Thus far in this series, we’ve addressed the why, what, and how questions that you may find yourself asking after a spouse declares, “Frankly My Dear I’m Gay!” Each of these questions presents unique nuances and a multitude of answers. Depending on your emotional state of mind and the manner in which your newly out spouse behaves, you could ruminate in the why, what and how for years. Unless you ask two final questions...

Who do I want to be?

More from YourTango: Gender-Bending Hollywood: It's Time To Put The Boxing Gloves Down

When will I let go?

Having worked with clients on both sides of the “coming out of the closet” doorway, until the "Who do I want to be?" question gets answered, then "When will i let go?" question can’t even be entertained. Why? Let’s go explore!

Who am I now that my spouse is “out?”
Without being flippant, you’re the same person you were prior to their grand announcement. Similarly, your ‘out’ spouse is still the same person they were but their ‘who’ has a new “latent” facet that has come forth begging them to be truly who they are – the homosexual they have always been.

Each person in the equation, in their own unique way, is embarking on a fresh journey to uncover new elements of their ‘who.’ The heterosexual spouse may ask...

  • Who’s going be interested in me after I was married to a gay man?
  • Who in their right mind doesn’t see that their wife was a lesbian?
  • Who is going to trust me to be a good judge of others after this?
  • Who’s going to let their kids play with my kids now that I’m divorced and the ex-spouse of a homosexual?

The individual who just 'came out,' even though they feel released to new heights of freedom, could ask...

More from YourTango: Coming Out In A Marriage: 6 Unrealistic Expectations

  • Who’s going to love me when for years I couldn’t love myself?
  • Who can trust me after I’ve lied for years?
  • Who wants to be with a breeder? (Yes, some gays don’t want to be with breeders, but that’s a whole other topic!)

Keep reading...

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Article contributed by
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Rick Clemons

Author

Rick Clemons, The Gay Man's Life Coach & The Coming Out Coach

Rick is a straight-forward, compassionate, insightful, challenging, mentor, guide, and Certified Professional Coach who's been featured on The Ricki Lake Show, and is a highly sought after radio show personality, blogger, author, and faculty member of Sex Coach U. His loving, challenging, gentle, and inspiring approach ignites a fire in clients, helping them get through the darkest moments of life and come out the other side, kicking butt, and being authentically themselves.

Rick thrives, working with individuals, and those in their inner circle, as they embark on the journey out of the closet and beyond. He specializes in helping people build confidence, uncover their deepest passions, and live their life's purpose. Authenticity isn't just a word he throws around lightly. It's the backbone of his practice and the manner in which he personnally strives to live each and every day of his own life.

Join Rick's Monthly "Guyz Like Us" Free Coaching Call For Gay Men!

Sign-up for Ricks' Free Video Series, "Coming Out Without Coming Unglued!"

Connect with Rick through his Coming Out & Life Coaching Newsletter.

Schedule A Discovery Session - Click Here

Twitter - @rickclemons & @ComingOutCoach
Facebook -The Gay Man's Life Coach & Rick The Coming Out Coach
You Tube Channel -The Gay Man's Life Coach & Coming Out Coach

Location: Riverside, CA
Credentials: ACC, CPC
Specialties: LGBT Issues (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender), Men's Issues, Sexuality
Other Articles/News by Rick Clemons:

Gender-Bending Hollywood: It's Time To Put The Boxing Gloves Down

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Coming Out In A Marriage: 6 Unrealistic Expectations

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When a spouse comes out, a lot of stuff hits the fan. Yet, does that give the jilted spouse a license to be unrealistic? I realize, I'm about to stir up some controversy. Please realize, I'm on both spouses' side when it comes to, well "coming out." No it's not pretty when a spouse has lived a dual life, and then comes out of the ... Read more

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Dear Mr. Goodell, Esteemed, NFL Commissioner:  First and foremost, congratulations on running one of the most successful entertainment franchises in America. I know it must take a tremendous amount of talent and hours to make the NFL run like a well-executed winning Super Bowl touchdown. Secondly, I'd like to introduce myself. My name is Rick ... Read more

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