Frankly My Dear I'm Gay - Part 4

By

Frankly My Dear I'm Gay - Part 4
Who do you really want to be when the dust settles after your spouse comes out of the closet?

Thus far in this series, we’ve addressed the why, what, and how questions that you may find yourself asking after a spouse declares, “Frankly My Dear I’m Gay!” Each of these questions presents unique nuances and a multitude of answers. Depending on your emotional state of mind and the manner in which your newly out spouse behaves, you could ruminate in the why, what and how for years. Unless you ask two final questions...

Who do I want to be?

 

When will I let go?

Having worked with clients on both sides of the “coming out of the closet” doorway, until the "Who do I want to be?" question gets answered, then "When will i let go?" question can’t even be entertained. Why? Let’s go explore!

Who am I now that my spouse is “out?”
Without being flippant, you’re the same person you were prior to their grand announcement. Similarly, your ‘out’ spouse is still the same person they were but their ‘who’ has a new “latent” facet that has come forth begging them to be truly who they are – the homosexual they have always been.

Each person in the equation, in their own unique way, is embarking on a fresh journey to uncover new elements of their ‘who.’ The heterosexual spouse may ask...

  • Who’s going be interested in me after I was married to a gay man?
  • Who in their right mind doesn’t see that their wife was a lesbian?
  • Who is going to trust me to be a good judge of others after this?
  • Who’s going to let their kids play with my kids now that I’m divorced and the ex-spouse of a homosexual?

The individual who just 'came out,' even though they feel released to new heights of freedom, could ask...

  • Who’s going to love me when for years I couldn’t love myself?
  • Who can trust me after I’ve lied for years?
  • Who wants to be with a breeder? (Yes, some gays don’t want to be with breeders, but that’s a whole other topic!)

Keep reading...

More Juicy Content From YourTango:

Article contributed by

Rick Clemons

Author

Rick Clemons, The Gay Man's Life Coach & The Coming Out Coach

Rick is a straight-forward, compassionate, insightful, challenging, mentor, guide, and Certified Professional Coach who's been featured on The Ricki Lake Show, and is a highly sought after radio show personality, blogger, author, and faculty member of Sex Coach U. His loving, challenging, gentle, and inspiring approach ignites a fire in clients, helping them get through the darkest moments of life and come out the other side, kicking butt, and being authentically themselves.

Rick thrives, working with individuals, and those in their inner circle, as they embark on the journey out of the closet and beyond. He specializes in helping people build confidence, live their passion while loving their work, and live authentically. Authenticity isn't just a word he throws around lightly. It's the backbone of his practice and the manner in which he personnally strives to live each and every day of his own life.

Join Rick's Monthly "Guyz Like Us" Free Coaching Call For Gay Men!

Connect with Rick through his Coming Out & Life Coaching Newsletter.

Schedule A Discovery Session - Click Here

Twitter - @rickclemons
Facebook -The Gay Man's Life Coach & Rick The Coming Out Coach
You Tube Channel -The Gay Man's Life Coach & Coming Out Coach

Location: Riverside, CA
Credentials: ACC, CPC
Specialties: LGBT Issues (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender), Men's Issues, Sexuality
Other Articles/News by Rick Clemons:

6 Reasons I (Finally!) Married My Gay Partner Of 13 Years

By

Thirteen years is a long time to share a life with someone. I should know; I've now done it twice. Once with my ex-wife, and this time with my partner ... you know, the gay one. I know, it's not 25 or 50 years, but God willing, I'll at least get to 24 with my partner ... oh wait, make that: my husband! Yep, I got hitched and just in the nick ... Read more

Hey Straight Men, Be Honest: You’re Gay! (Or At Least Bisexual)

By

First, let me say—by no means am I the pot calling the kettle black. After all, I was once one of those "not gay" straight guys who enjoyed having ("seriously, I'm not gay") sex with other "not gay" straight guys (as well as a few fully "out" gay guys).  You see, there's a hidden epidemic, (well, ... Read more

Will I Be A Bad Gay Lover? 5 Fears About Coming Out

By

Call it a mid-life crisis or just finally coming to your senses. Either way, coming out late in life is confusing. Yes. We could have avoided all this had we walked the line of integrity and said, "I'm gay!" The only problem is that's so much easier said than done. In fact, I'm always amused at the number of people from all walks of ... Read more

See More

 
My Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular