Frankly My Dear I'm Gay - Part 3


Frankly My Dear I'm Gay - Part 3
Slapped in the face by “Honey I’m Gay,” leads to “How the hell do I do this break-up?!”

Shift 3 – “How miserable it must have been to live a lie and not be who you truly were, even though what you did is hurting me immensely.”
This shift launches us into “baby steps” towards forgiveness and cooperation. Doesn’t mean you’re fully accepting the “wrong-doing” nor throwing your own feelings aside. Sure, there’s a level of ‘medicating by compensating,’ but the underlying message is, “I still want to be the one who wins in this situation, but if you get something out of it too, then that’s ok!”

Shift 4 – “How can I support you in your journey out of the closet?”
As difficult as this question may seem for the spouse who’s been burned, it can also lead to a state of self-sabotage if not managed maturely. How so? One-way streets of compassion and “let me serve you,” many times conceal the “hidden monsters.” Compassionate understanding and an attitude of “Go ahead, I want you to win” can quickly deteriorate when followed by, “Look at everything I’ve done for you and I’ve gotten nothing back in return.” Individuals on both sides of the “coming out” fence who self-sacrifice in the cloak of genuine concern, more often than not, find themselves in a space of bittersweet manipulation.

If you’re the one "coming out," you could have harsh feelings that "I've sacrificed who I am to give you a good life, beautiful children, and stability, so now it’s your turn to go live your happy gay life." Ouch, how’s that for justification of not living in your truth. On the other side of the closet door, the jilted spouse may think, “If I’m supportive and forgiving about how my spouse just turned our world upside down, maybe I can ‘un-gay’ them.” Wrong! The solution? Invite in an authentic “I want you to win energy” that becomes the springboard for a mutually beneficial reconciliation.

Shift #5 – “How can we make this a win/win for both of us?”
Relationships going south can either be a sad moment or a lifetime of tragedy and regret. Regardless, our own innate power of choice gives us the option of choosing the path of reconciliation. Stepping steadily, not instantaneously, into a space of peaceful acceptance, we heal quicker, reduce stress, and move into powerful possibilities. At this stage of mutual healing both parties can find deeper meaning by asking, “What did I gain from this relationship that will benefit me in future relationships?” and “How can I exercise higher levels of self-care in this newly found space of ‘starting over’?”

The ability to energetically shift our approach to any situation in life lies solely in “How” we choose to be in the situation. Whether it’s the loss of a job or the realization that our significant other is gay, we possess the energetic choice of either wallowing in the quicksand of victimhood or rising powerfully into a peaceful state of reconciliation.

Article contributed by

Rick Clemons


Rick Clemons, The Gay Man's Life Coach & The Coming Out Coach

Rick is a straight-forward, compassionate, insightful, challenging, mentor, guide, and Certified Professional Coach who's been featured on The Ricki Lake Show, and is a highly sought after radio show personality, blogger, author, and faculty member of Sex Coach U. His loving, challenging, gentle, and inspiring approach ignites a fire in clients, helping them get through the darkest moments of life and come out the other side, kicking butt, and being authentically themselves.

Rick thrives, working with individuals, and those in their inner circle, as they embark on the journey out of the closet and beyond. He specializes in helping people build confidence, live their passion while loving their work, and live authentically. Authenticity isn't just a word he throws around lightly. It's the backbone of his practice and the manner in which he personnally strives to live each and every day of his own life.

Join Rick's Monthly "Guyz Like Us" Free Coaching Call For Gay Men!

Connect with Rick through his Coming Out & Life Coaching Newsletter.

Schedule A Discovery Session - Click Here

Twitter - @rickclemons
Facebook -The Gay Man's Life Coach & Rick The Coming Out Coach
You Tube Channel -The Gay Man's Life Coach & Coming Out Coach

Location: Riverside, CA
Credentials: ACC, CPC
Specialties: LGBT Issues (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender), Men's Issues, Sexuality
Other Articles/News by Rick Clemons:

I'm Gay And I Know How To Get A Girlfriend Better Than You Do


Let's not jump to conclusions and assume that because you're reading this article, you're flirting with your own version of 50 Shades Of Gay. It's OK to absorb a gay guy's perspective on dating and relationships. It wasn't too long ago, after all, that Queer Eye For The Straight Guy became a rockin' little empire. The men on it ... Read more

Life Lessons From A Man Who Just Turned 51


Today is my birthday. Not a milestone one by some accounts, but from my perspective it is. I'm no longer the Big 5-0, I'm now officially 50+. A distinction that most people either love or hate. Personally I'm going for a deep dive into the "Let's live like we're dying" tank and moving on until my journey takes me off this ... Read more

Are Closeted Gay Men Cheaters?


Emotional, physical, and intimate disconnects often lead to infidelity. So does hiding in the closet. But who's to blame for the "hidden agenda?" In my five years as The Coming Out Coach, I've worked with a little over 100 people from all walks of life, who have finally taken that brave step forward to be honest with themselves about their ... Read more

See More

Latest Expert Videos
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Most Popular