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Frankly My Dear I'm Gay - Part 3

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Frankly My Dear I'm Gay - Part 3
Slapped in the face by “Honey I’m Gay,” leads to “How the hell do I do this break-up?!”

How? It’s one of the deepest most thought provoking words that we utilize to communicate. When it's used to begin analyzing the “gay bomb revelation” it can make us feel really small and incompetent.

  • How could I not have known he was gay?
  • How did I let myself get sucked into her gay charade?
  • How will I ever face my friends as the idiot who married a “gay?”

Not to diminish the significance of the “why” or “what” questions which were previously shared in “Frankly My Dear I’m Gay,” the question of “how” – and how we answer that question -- has the potential to send us deeply into a crazy-making state-of-mind, if we are not careful. Or, it can be the beginning of a beautiful healing and resolution process. Moving toward the latter simply requires shifting your energy and perspective around the “how” in order to create a positive foundation from which to build upon once a significant other “comes out of the closet.”

More from YourTango: Gender-Bending Hollywood: It's Time To Put The Boxing Gloves Down

More from YourTango: Coming Out In A Marriage: 6 Unrealistic Expectations

5 Energetic Shifts For Navigating The “Honey I’m Gay” Bomb!

Shift 1 - “How could I have been so stupid not to know he was gay?”
Hello! Stop being a victim and shouting “I Lose!” Even though you feel abused, abandoned, and unloved, in reality, you’re not the first person whose spouse has “come out of the closet," and you won’t be the last. The moment you can begin to accept what is happening, is the moment you’re ready to shift from despair and step into warrior type action energy!

Shift 2 - “How about I just kick your sorry ass out of the house?”
OK, tough stuff, we get it. Now it’s all about “you winning” and coming out on top! Unfortunately, this approach rarely makes room for forgiveness and understanding, but in the moment it sure leaves you feeling self-righteous in your anger. After all, you were just blindsided by lies and false beliefs about your sweetie so now it’s time to say, “I’ll show you.” Ironically, what typically prevails when this approach is taken is additional conflict and deepening wounds of victimization for ourselves. The alternative is to productively tap into conflict energy and use it get off our duffs and into conflict resolution with our mate and ourselves.

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Rick Clemons

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Rick Clemons, The Gay Man's Life Coach & The Coming Out Coach

Rick is a straight-forward, compassionate, insightful, challenging, mentor, guide, and Certified Professional Coach who's been featured on The Ricki Lake Show, and is a highly sought after radio show personality, blogger, author, and faculty member of Sex Coach U. His loving, challenging, gentle, and inspiring approach ignites a fire in clients, helping them get through the darkest moments of life and come out the other side, kicking butt, and being authentically themselves.

Rick thrives, working with individuals, and those in their inner circle, as they embark on the journey out of the closet and beyond. He specializes in helping people build confidence, uncover their deepest passions, and live their life's purpose. Authenticity isn't just a word he throws around lightly. It's the backbone of his practice and the manner in which he personnally strives to live each and every day of his own life.

Join Rick's Monthly "Guyz Like Us" Free Coaching Call For Gay Men!

Sign-up for Ricks' Free Video Series, "Coming Out Without Coming Unglued!"

Connect with Rick through his Coming Out & Life Coaching Newsletter.

Schedule A Discovery Session - Click Here

Twitter - @rickclemons & @ComingOutCoach
Facebook -The Gay Man's Life Coach & Rick The Coming Out Coach
You Tube Channel -The Gay Man's Life Coach & Coming Out Coach

Location: Riverside, CA
Credentials: ACC, CPC
Specialties: LGBT Issues (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender), Men's Issues, Sexuality
Other Articles/News by Rick Clemons:

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Straight actors playing gay characters, and gay actors playing straight characters. Equal opportunity or not? To play or not to play, that is the question! No, I'm not referring to another baseball strike. Instead, let's talk straight actors stealing all the gay roles, e.g. Jared Leto playing Rayon in Dallas Buyers Club (big clap for the Oscar ... Read more

Coming Out In A Marriage: 6 Unrealistic Expectations

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When a spouse comes out, a lot of stuff hits the fan. Yet, does that give the jilted spouse a license to be unrealistic? I realize, I'm about to stir up some controversy. Please realize, I'm on both spouses' side when it comes to, well "coming out." No it's not pretty when a spouse has lived a dual life, and then comes out of the ... Read more

An Open Letter To The NFL — From A Gay Football Fan

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Dear Mr. Goodell, Esteemed, NFL Commissioner:  First and foremost, congratulations on running one of the most successful entertainment franchises in America. I know it must take a tremendous amount of talent and hours to make the NFL run like a well-executed winning Super Bowl touchdown. Secondly, I'd like to introduce myself. My name is Rick ... Read more

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