- Freedom to be me
- Release from guilt and shame for not being truthful
- Live by my values of truth and honesty
- Stop hurting those I really love
- Experience true intimacy and sexual pleasure unlike never before
In this moment, I want you to shift gears and come back to yourself. The self that is feeling angry, bitter, confused, and just wants to say to your significant other “$%*# You!” Let those emotions rage and come forth for the next 5 – 10 minutes. Once those emotions have passed then take a chance and start to ask yourself, “In this moment of turmoil and pain, what is it I really want?” If it’s revenge, then acknowledge that revenge is what you want and describe what you would get from revenge. If it’s an apology, then define what an apology would look, feel, and sound like when you get one.
The point is, when you ask “What,” make it more empowering by then asking, “So What...” For example,
"What I truly want is revenge."
"Once I get my revenge, then I will feel less angry."
"When I feel less angry, then I won't see my marriage/relationship as a sham or that I was tricked."
"If I don't believe my marriage /relationship was a sham then I won’t feel stupid and humiliated.
"If I don’t feel stupid and humiliated, then I will feel confident I can find a new relationship that makes me feel good and that I can trust."
The bottom line, when you play the "So What" game you get to the truth of "What" it is that you truly desire. Doesn't matter which side of the "I'm Gay" fence you sit on.
As you go through the “What’s” and “So What’s,” you’ll find yourself becoming very clear in thought and able to ask specifically for what you need from the person who just shattered your world. Doesn’t necessarily mean you will get what you asked for, but it does keep you clearly focused on the journey. Your ability to stay focused and controlled then leads to a beautiful space of answering the next question of “How?”
- "How did this happen?"
- "How do I want to be with this situation?"
- "How do I want to be with this person I thought I knew?"
That’s what’s up next in “Frankly My Dear I’m Gay – Part 3!” The "How" to deal with this tornado you just dropped into the midst of without losing your mind...or misplacing your ruby red slippers for that matter!
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