In Part 1 of this series, we addressed the question of “Why?”
"Why did my “heterosexual” partner marry me when he/she knew they were gay/lesbian?"
This question has been asked numerous times throughout history as many a man and woman have come out to their beloveds. The answers to this question are as varied and unique as the individuals who taken this road less traveled.
- "I thought it was a phase."
- "I feared being rejected by my family."
- "It felt like it was just a one time sexual urge."
The reality is this. Regardless of the “why,” it doesn’t change the fact that your significant other just dropped the “gay bomb” on you. Now, you and they have to decide just “what” you’re going to do moving forward
Journey Forward Brave Soul By Asking "What?"
As the person that’s been scorned and lied to, you’re instantly feeling betrayed, confused, angry, jealous, hurt, sad, etc. Normal, understandable feelings for anyone who just found out that their amore is not exactly who they appeared to be on paper, let alone under the covers in bed. Sure you could proceed to scratch their eyes out, pull a Lorena Bobbit, or banish them from your life. These are all viable routes to consider. Gutsy, eye for an eye, and “I’ll show you!” Quite honestly, even the most civil of routes eventually lead to separate living quarters and separate lives. The challenge is getting the “What” answered.
- What is it you truly want for the future
- What is important to you when all the dust settles?
- What can this experience do for your future relationships?
- What kind of signs could have prevented this from happening?
- What is making you most hurt and angry, right now in this moment?
When you start to delve deep into the “What,” you begin to experience a clarity that actually holds hands with the “Why!” Before clarifying this point, I want you to experience the “What” from the opposite perspective. Not because I am trying to drum up sympathy and understanding for the person who says, “I’m gay.” My point is, when we explore the energy as if we were standing in the other person’s shoes, we often discover more truth’s about ourselves and what we really want.
Flipping The Perspective To Dig Deeper
Let’s start with a simple exercise. Look back at the “What” questions above, or even better, add a few of your own. Then, imagine you’re the person who is about to tell your boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, that you’re gay/lesbian. As you embody those feelings and stand in their shoes, ask yourself the "What" questions. For instance, “What is it you truly want?” Possible answers could be