In fact, for many individuals who’ve been living in the closet, the “why’s” have kept them trapped for so long that the question of “Why should I do this now” can immobilize them in their thoughts, feelings and behaviors and still, nothing happens. They continue to live a lie, fantasize or have actual same sexual relations with persons of the same sex, clam up with their existing partners, and move away from their current relationship yet stay in the relationship. Each time they rush to the edge of the cliff to take that grand leap of faith in themselves, they instead retreat deeper into a world of self-hate, guilt, and remorse that manifests in their current relationship as lack of interest, bitterness, and anger. The “why” never gets resolved or answered.
The person receiving the “I’m gay” bomb, they ask...
- Why now after all this time?
- Why me?
- Why didn’t I see this coming?
- Why did I allow this to happen?
- Why didn’t I do more for our relationship?
The bottom line is this, YOU DIDN’T DO ANYTHING BUT OPEN YOUR HEART AND LOVE SOMEONE! It’s the epitome of being vulnerable, trusting and in love. Whether your relationship goes on the rocks because your partner “comes out of the closet” or because they cheated on you, you still gave your heart, trust, and vulnerability to them. That’s what happens in relationships. Realizing and accepting these truths is also the first key to unlocking the “healing door” so you can start to move past the big shocker of an intimate partner’s “coming out!” In all relationships there are levels of vulnerability, trust, and love that put us “at risk.” The real adventure comes with trusting ourselves enough to go experience those emotions and grow through them, even when the tornado rips our lives apart.
Regardless of which side of the “coming out” fence you sit on, I invite you to move quickly through the “Why’s.” Why’s rarely resolve anything. In fact “Why’s,” as already demonstrated, can keep us stuck and cause us to retreat into “in-action.” It’s the “What’s” that get us moving so that we can shift our energy and step out of the tornado. And that’s exactly where we’re headed in Part 2 of “Frankly My Dear I’m Gay.” We’ll explore the “what’s” that will enable you to get on with your life and see the true purpose and blessing of your spouse/partner coming “out of the closet.”
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