Coming Out: The Best Valentines Gift I Ever Received!


Coming Out: The Best Valentines Gift I Ever Received!
When you give your heart fully to your truth, your truth wraps you up in the warm embrace of love.

In October of 1999, I never would have realized that I was setting the stage for the best Valentine's Day I would ever have. In fact, October was the worst of times.

I'd just met a lovely Brit in London, who I thought I was going to go have sex with at his hotel, and instead, that night, there was no sex. That night I fell in love, and I fell apart.


Through the heartache, pain of breaking apart a 13-year marriage, and dashing any hopes that my then 9-month and 3 ½ year old daughters would grow up with Mom and Dad in the same house, I, unbeknownst to me would discover that Cupid was about to pull an arrow out of his quiver, take aim, and show me the true meaning of love.

Over the next few months, I went threw a much needed break-up with my handsom Brit (all for my own good), dove into the quagmire of believing I needed to have a man in my life (oh not so true), and learned some lessons about being gay, in a gay mans world.

Before I knew it, Valentine's Day was rolling towards me, full steam ahead, and I was facing "Single Awareness Day" for the first time in 13 years. Thank God.

In the fear of being alone, not having a Valentine, other than my two beautiful little princesses, I went to the hopeless brink of "Why Me?" That's when Cupid shot his arrow, hitting me straight in the heart.

Unfortunately, Cupid didn't deliver me People Magazines Sexiest Man Alive, Richard Gere. Fortunately, he gave me a loving shot to the heart that changed everything, February 14, 2000.

Cupids arrow was filled with a magical elixir that had nothing to do with me coming out of the closet and everything to do with me accepting me.

Heres the 14 Love Notes I received that I'm now passing along to you!

  1. Love yourself enough to be yourself.
  2. You have to believe in yourself, before anyone else believes in you and see your greatness!
  3. The most important times in our lives are when we take the risk to step out of our comfort zone.
  4. It's not the surviving that counts; it's the thriving.
  5. The thing you least want to do may be the thing that's in your best interest!
  6. Every decision you make is either out of fear or love.
  7. A small investment in trust goes a long ways in believing in you for a lifetime.
  8. You're stronger than you'll ever know unless you never question how strong you can be in this moment.
  9. Raw is the new real.
  10. Be more than you are, but flexible enough to be less than you expect.
  11. Sometimes we just have to catch up to where the universe intended us to be all along.
  12. If you have the tenacity to be yourself; you'll never fall prey to the audacity of being what others think you should be.
  13. Answer the call to do what Tomorrow is asking you to do Today.
  14. The truth of who you are is more important than the false truth of pretending to be someone your not.

My wish for you this Valentine's Day is that you give yourself some self-love. It's the warm embrace of self-love that waters the seeds that grow into beautiful blossoms of love for others. Here's one last love note, specifically for my gay readers:

"It takes one moment to learn you're gay. It takes the rest of your life to live a fulfilling, self-loving, gay life."

Now that I've given you all a 14 Valentine Love Notes, plus a bonus note, I'm wondering, "Where the hell are my flowers? I don't hear my doorbell ringing incessently, or see a hot, hunky, furry-chested, shirtless FTD Delivery guy delivering boatloads of flowers from all of my adoring YourTango fans!"

See how you are?


Ready for a shot of self-love, confidence, and I’m good enough? Set up an introductory coaching session with Rick today, and let's get your Heart On!

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Article contributed by

Rick Clemons


Rick Clemons, The Gay Man's Life Coach & The Coming Out Coach

Rick is a straight-forward, compassionate, insightful, challenging, mentor, guide, and Certified Professional Coach who's been featured on The Ricki Lake Show, and is a highly sought after radio show personality, blogger, author, and faculty member of Sex Coach U. His loving, challenging, gentle, and inspiring approach ignites a fire in clients, helping them get through the darkest moments of life and come out the other side, kicking butt, and being authentically themselves.

Rick thrives, working with individuals, and those in their inner circle, as they embark on the journey out of the closet and beyond. He specializes in helping people build confidence, live their passion while loving their work, and live authentically. Authenticity isn't just a word he throws around lightly. It's the backbone of his practice and the manner in which he personnally strives to live each and every day of his own life.

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Location: Riverside, CA
Credentials: ACC, CPC
Specialties: LGBT Issues (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender), Men's Issues, Sexuality
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