Coming Out: Five Biggest Regrets After Escaping The Closet


Coming Out: Five Biggest Regrets After Escaping The Closet
On one hand, coming out is a blessing. On the other hand it’s a bummer. Either way you grow!

It’s been almost 14 years since I came out of the closet. I’ve now been with my partner, almost as long as I was married. And, I’ve almost spent a third of my life on the other side of the closet door, being authentically who I am – a gay man. So what does that all add up to? A lot of joy, heartache, peace, and regrets. Today I want to focus on the regrets, and don’t worry, this is not meant to be a downer, so please keep on readin’ on.

Ironically, one of the things that keep most people in the closet is the possibility that they’ll regret coming out of the closet. It could be the regret of losing friends and family. Possibly it’s regretting that they didn’t do it sooner. Or what if, being gay isn’t what they thought it be?


Of course the flip side is the regret of not coming out of the closet. Not living your truth. Being perpetually miserable on the inside while wearing a mask of false happiness. Growing old, never breaking the pattern of living to make others feel more comfortable about who you are as person.

Either way, it seems to be a stacked deck until you accept, a regret can only be a regret if you create it and let it stay alive in your life as a regret. This was one of the toughest lessons I learned coming out of the closet, I don’t regret it one bit. In fact once I started looking closer at what I regretted as I came through the closet doors, I realized, my regrets were beautiful life lessons in the rough just waiting to be chipped away and exposed as gems of wisdom.

Regret #1 – Forcing my sexuality into people’s faces. You would have thought I’d won the season finale of Project Runway the way I strutted my sexual orientation. I wasn’t flamboyant, I was vocal, and cavalier. Basically, like it or not you were going to hear I was gay and to bad if you didn’t like it. If I could have a “do over,” I would have subtly found ways to share my sexuality with others when the inquiries were made, not when I decided they needed to hear it. In other words, to command respect, give respect.

Regret #2 – Change your stance and change it now. I believe in myself. I know I’m gay. And, for awhile there I needed to fight, defend, and use every tactic in the book to get others to change their point of view about homosexuality. I’m not going to say that didn’t work; at times it did, but probably because at 6’4 and 270 pounds, I’m a force to be reckoned with, and that’s before I put on my pumps! Then I began to realize, I was a direct reflection of the people who were so adamantly trying to coerce me to change. How can you ask someone else to change, then turn around and defy them when they ask you to change? It’s like oil and water, the two just don’t mix. In other words, demanding change from those demanding you change leads to a whole lot of demanding, and no understanding.

Article contributed by

Rick Clemons


Rick Clemons, The Gay Man's Life Coach & The Coming Out Coach

Rick is a straight-forward, compassionate, insightful, challenging, mentor, guide, and Certified Professional Coach who's been featured on The Ricki Lake Show, and is a highly sought after radio show personality, blogger, author, and faculty member of Sex Coach U. His loving, challenging, gentle, and inspiring approach ignites a fire in clients, helping them get through the darkest moments of life and come out the other side, kicking butt, and being authentically themselves.

Rick thrives, working with individuals, and those in their inner circle, as they embark on the journey out of the closet and beyond. He specializes in helping people build confidence, live their passion while loving their work, and live authentically. Authenticity isn't just a word he throws around lightly. It's the backbone of his practice and the manner in which he personnally strives to live each and every day of his own life.

Join Rick's Monthly "Guyz Like Us" Free Coaching Call For Gay Men!

Connect with Rick through his Coming Out & Life Coaching Newsletter.

Schedule A Discovery Session - Click Here

Twitter - @rickclemons
Facebook -The Gay Man's Life Coach & Rick The Coming Out Coach
You Tube Channel -The Gay Man's Life Coach & Coming Out Coach

Location: Riverside, CA
Credentials: ACC, CPC
Specialties: LGBT Issues (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender), Men's Issues, Sexuality
Other Articles/News by Rick Clemons:

6 Reasons I (Finally!) Married My Gay Partner Of 13 Years


Thirteen years is a long time to share a life with someone. I should know; I've now done it twice. Once with my ex-wife, and this time with my partner ... you know, the gay one. I know, it's not 25 or 50 years, but God willing, I'll at least get to 24 with my partner ... oh wait, make that: my husband! Yep, I got hitched and just in the nick ... Read more

Hey Straight Men, Be Honest: You’re Gay! (Or At Least Bisexual)


First, let me say—by no means am I the pot calling the kettle black. After all, I was once one of those "not gay" straight guys who enjoyed having ("seriously, I'm not gay") sex with other "not gay" straight guys (as well as a few fully "out" gay guys).  You see, there's a hidden epidemic, (well, ... Read more

Will I Be A Bad Gay Lover? 5 Fears About Coming Out


Call it a mid-life crisis or just finally coming to your senses. Either way, coming out late in life is confusing. Yes. We could have avoided all this had we walked the line of integrity and said, "I'm gay!" The only problem is that's so much easier said than done. In fact, I'm always amused at the number of people from all walks of ... Read more

See More

My Videos
Must-see Videos
Most Popular