Coming Out: Pitfalls and Perks Of Being A Late Bloomer


Coming Out: Pitfalls and Perks Of Being A Late Bloomer
As society leans more gay "ok," so do the number of people who realize, "I 'come out' now, or never!

Immaturity revisited. Be honest. We all act immature. Doesn’t matter if we’re 2 or 100. In some way, just like senior moments, we also have immature moments. Ironically, immaturity seems to be amplified when you come out of the closet later in life. Primarily because suddenly you’re like a kid in the candy store, dating, hooking up, living your gay youth that you missed out on because you did what you thought was right to make everyone else comfortable by hanging out in the closet. Nothing wrong with being a little immature and youthful, the hitch is, you may not think straight (no pun intended), might find yourself doing things you wouldn’t normally do, and find that foolish at 40+ doesn’t look any better than at 14.

Oh, you’re one of those. Part of the reason most people finally kick the closet doors down is to be real, authentic, and truthful. Most also do it to finally find acceptance, internally and externally. Sometimes that external acceptance can be bitter sweet. Regardless of the reasons you’re attracted to someone of the same sex – sexually, emotionally, physically, intellectually, all of the above – there will be those, within the gay community who may turn their nose up at you. A very bitchy queen at a bar that up to that point I thought was quite the hot stud once called me a “breeder.” Needless to say he went from stud to dud in about 2 seconds after he found out that I’d done what his parents had done...procreated. Maybe his parents made a mistake!


I’ve wasted to much time. This belief is one of the most common, and understandably so. Regardless of whether you were in a heterosexual relationship, or have been hovering on the fringes of hetero- homosexuality, trying to figure out where you land, it’s often a feeling of so much time wasted getting to the other side of the closet door. Along with that fear also comes performance anxiety, concerns about acceptance in the gay community, and the “What if” syndromes of never finding someone, not really gay, etc. Relax, whatever time you have left after coming out of the closet is exactly the amount of time you were meant to be out of the closet.

Perks Of Being A Late Bloomer

LTR Ready. Even though you’ve been in a heterosexual relationship that was aligned, most often, you’ve got the basic foundation set for being in a future long-term relationship with someone of the same sex. You bring real life dating to mating experience to the table. Of course along with that experience you may bring an ex-spouse and kids with you, but hey, if the people you’re dating can’t handle that baggage, then they’re not the right relationship for you.

Instant family, no birthing classes required. You might think that after the “breeder” comment that I would have thought I was a freak of nature in the gay community. What I found quite quickly was that being a gay man with biological children is regular dish on the buffet table of available gay men. Having children to bring into the mix of a relationship can be a bonus when you find the right guy/gal who’s always wanted to be a daddy/mommy without role-playing.

Article contributed by

Rick Clemons


Rick Clemons, The Gay Man's Life Coach & The Coming Out Coach

Rick is a straight-forward, compassionate, insightful, challenging, mentor, guide, and Certified Professional Coach who's been featured on The Ricki Lake Show, and is a highly sought after radio show personality, blogger, author, and faculty member of Sex Coach U. His loving, challenging, gentle, and inspiring approach ignites a fire in clients, helping them get through the darkest moments of life and come out the other side, kicking butt, and being authentically themselves.

Rick thrives, working with individuals, and those in their inner circle, as they embark on the journey out of the closet and beyond. He specializes in helping people build confidence, live their passion while loving their work, and live authentically. Authenticity isn't just a word he throws around lightly. It's the backbone of his practice and the manner in which he personnally strives to live each and every day of his own life.

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Location: Riverside, CA
Credentials: ACC, CPC
Specialties: LGBT Issues (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender), Men's Issues, Sexuality
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