Flippant, snarky, quck to the quip or CONFIDENT? Are gay men really the masters at this thing?
Have you ever met a person that they moment they open their mouth you think, “What a cocky #@$%!”
- Mr. Swagger with the "Hey babes," dropping like flies
- The Gal with the chastity belt so tight that she reeks of Essence de' BITCH
- And, of course the "I've got the answer for everything and you don't" person
Irritating, frustrating, and completely draining. Yet, on the other hand, might there just be a chance that these people are confident and not cocky assholes?
There is a difference. It’s a fine line, and when examined closely the subtle shift in perception is a confident person believes in themselves, honors the gifts they have to give as a person, and they see themselves as a unique piece of the puzzle that no one else in life can bring to this human experience. Their ego doesn’t get in the way of them being fully available and present to just be in this experience of life and share their beauty and talents.
The cocky person on the other hand sees themselves as the “it factor!” It’s all about their ego and their love fest with themselves. Sure they make room for others, provided those others build up the cocky persons ego, self-esteem and self-worth. There in lies the stereotypical judgment towards gay men. It's all about them, their fabulousness, and their snippy, snitty wit. Or is it? The other side of the argument would say that gay men (not all) are just uber confidant. Why?
- They've fought the good fight to be noticed and appreciated. Fight or flight, doesn't matter. Truth is when you've had to fight to be who you are, and you turn that fight into positive, motivating energy, you can be confident in any situation.
- Call it what you will - overkill or intense focus - gay men (not all) have an innate ability to go get what they want. Arguments have been made that it's because they have nothing better to do with their time than the pursuit of ass, mass, and living beyond their past. On the other side of the coin, what if it is just because they want to enjoy life and go for it?
- Looks, books, and understanding the hooks. Forget the rhyme, but it's actually true. How many gay men are hot looking, very smart, and know how to play the game? A lot! I know that's not a definitive number from a Gartner research study, but you get the point. Then, if you bundle all those "+'s" up in one package, no pun intended; I'd say you'd have every right to be CONFIDENT!
Truth is, if you stand from afar and make the assumption that gay men are cocky, self-indulgent, and singing, "Look at me," you may have missed the point. Often, our judgmental, critical, crow's nest view is more smoke and mirrors than the authentic truth. In fact, this article isn't about "cockiness vs. confidence in gay men." Oh contraire. It's a simple, little window looking into all of us and our judgments about others. People - gay or straight - who've had to face battles and challenges, found the way to stay focused, take care of themselves, use their book knowledge, and life lessons to create the life they desire are just plain CONFIDENT...for the most part. There's always a few buttheads in the mix!
The next time you are confronted with someone who appears to be “cocky,” make room to explore “cocky” vs. “confident.” You just might discover that you’re seeing something in this confident person that you wish you could be. Or even more revealing, you may be looking in the mirror and seeing traits of “cockiness” in yourself that you wish weren’t there.
Rick Clemons is a Certified Professional Coach who's been featured on The Ricki Lake Show, and is a highly sought after radio show guest, blogger, author, and Sex Coach U Faculty member, who lovingly addresses the many facets of Coming Out for all who are touched by this Journey. Rick also hosted his own radio show, The Coming Out Lounge, and has been an expert guest on numerous other radio shows, and in print on national blogs.
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