How to cope when your Valentine's Day didn't exactly live up to your high expectations!
It's February 15th and beyond. After Valentine's Day, rather than days filled with roses, chocolates, and kisses, you may find yourself suffering from Post Valentine's Day Delusions or PVDD.
- You didn't get exactly what you desired.
- Your special 'amore' wasn't quite the Prince Charming he should have been.
- You found yourself staring at grandma panties instead Victoria's Secret lingerie.
Then, it is very likely that you are gnashing your teeth and playing neurotic ping pong in your mind. Cupids arrow probably missed the target and you find yourself in a tailspin heading straight toward PVDD becoming your new reality.
Get over it and pull yourself out of the delusion and create a new illusion. After all, most the stories we create about how "things should be" or "what we expect," are just our own illusions gone astray. Once you connect this new way of thinking to your heartfelt emotions, there is suddenly no need to weep tears the size of rose petals. Instead, you buck it up and say, "And so it is!" Here are five tips for getting past PVDD:
1. Ask yourself, "Did my expectations create this madness? "How high you set your expectation is directly related to how deep you crash and burn. It's really the game we play with ourselves without including others that gets us in trouble. If you want that Tiffany diamond, then say, "I want that Tiffany diamond." Just make sure that you're heard, a Tiffany diamond is reasonable, and there's a contingency plan for not getting what you desire. Living Up To Expectations During The Holidays
2. Assess if your feelings are about you or them. There's a powerful mantra that sums this thought up nicely. "What someone says or does, is all about them. What you say or do in response, is all about you." Dig in, look at it from both viewpoints to discover who this is all about.
3. What would be different? You didn't get a box of Godiva chocolates, mind blowing sex eluded you, and your ass is dragging on the ground because Cupid's arrow didn't put a spring in your step. So what? Literally, "What would be different if what you envisioned happening on Valentine's Day had actually happened?" Now, be honest. "Do you truly know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the masterpiece experience you created would have really happened?" Of course not! Acknowledge what did happen and let go of the "but, if's" so that you can get to the "true that's!"
4. Was your voice heard or did you just assume? If you find yourself struggling to communicate in your relationship 364 days out of the year, why should Valentine's Day have been any different? The twists and turns in relationships somehow always lead us into funky, dark spaces of believing "He/She can read my mind and know what Valentine's Day means to me!" Hello, Assumptive Silent Partner! If you don't say it, they don't hear it! Enough said!
5. There's always now! The barrage of Hallmark holidays often creates this frantic, "Gotta celebrate it today" mentality. Like Pavlov's dog, we fall into line and play to the tune of "Dozen red roses, chocolates, and a lovey dovey card." Oh, and it needs to all happen on February 14th. Actually, no it doesn't. Just because they say, doesn't make it so. The spontaneous, "I love you, I care, and I'm glad to call you my icing on my cake" is so much more sexier and heartfelt than "Happy Valentines Day (check), here's your gift (check), let's got to dinner (check), and now it's time for sex (check)!"
The delusions created by any beliefs, whether it's Valentine's Day or a typical Monday, are just that, beliefs. Even saying it is a typical Monday is a delusional belief. Until we experience Monday, we won't know if it is similar to other Mondays we've experienced. Up until that actual experience, it's just a delusional illusion we create. The Illusion of Control
Instead of expending energy that leads to PVDD, we should all just keep some 1/2 priced Valentine's Candy, a naked picture of ourselves, and a spontaneous date night out at the ready to surprise the one we love. Just make sure you don't go out naked for your spontaneous date night out with stale 1/2 priced Valentine's Day candy. There's a whole new energy that will arise!
Rick Clemons, The Coming Out Coach, helps men and women step into their powerful truth of who they are so they can fully experience and live their powerful purpose. Certified as a Core Energy Coach, Energy Leadership Index Master Practitioner and Men's Inner Journey Facilitator, Rick is also a sought after speaker, workshop presenter, and professional blogger. To learn more, please visit rickclemons.com.