Not only are these stereotypes unfair — they're untrue!
With same-sex marriage cases Hollingsworth v. Perry (the challenge to California's Proposition 8) and United States v. Windsor (the challenge to the Federal Defense of Marriage Act) in the hands of the Supreme Court, it only seems proper to set aside some stereotypes people have made about gay men and our sexual desires and activities.
For whatever reason, gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgenders and other members affiliated with the (LGBTQ) community keep getting this bad rep for being "sexual deviants of society." Yet, if a married heterosexual couple chooses to embark into their own private world of Fifty Shades Of Grey, enjoying a romp into BDSM, they're doing it under the sanctity of marriage! How many straight, married couples have felt the spontaneous desire to pull off to the side of the road for a quick romp? Understand my point yet?
It's a rather a crude joke that every situation described in the aforementioned paragraph are stereotypical definitions of gay men. With all due respect, until you've been a gay man and walked in his shoes, don't assume to know what makes him stand at attention in his Levi's 501's!
1. All gay men have multiple sex partners! Simply not true. Just because you think it's so, doesn't it make it so. Many gay men casually date and never get to the bedroom together until they're in a monogamous relationship or, at least, have made each other work for it! It's more common than you might think, but you never thought to ask ... did you?
2. Gay men love anal sex! I'm not speaking for all of my gay brothers; however, I can count well beyond all my fingers and toes the number of gay men who don't enjoy anal sex. True, in many gay male relationships, there is one man who is always on bottom and one man who is always on top, but don't assume that this applies to all gay male relationships. In the same sense, you might as well assume that just because a woman has a mouth and a man has a penis that she likes giving blow jobs!
3. Gay men just like to suck! Hate to blow that assumption out of the water (pun intended), yet you would once again be off base to believe that because two gay men have two mouths that they enjoy oral sex. Yes, there are gay men for whom penis admiration is their primal, sexual focus. On the other side of the ball (pun intended), there are also gay men who prefer to simply stroke it and ride it without ever having taken a lick.
4. Gay men are kinky. Please take no offense and none given, but do you really think that the estimated 70 million copies of Fifty Shades Of Grey that have been sold are all sitting on bookshelves in the households of gay men? Enough said!
5. Gay men only think about sex. Must we have this conversation again? Yes, we — but not all — gay men love sex. Yes, you — but not all — straight heterosexuals like sex! We have something in common. I hate to break the news to you — and I will try to be gentle — but alas, even in gay relationships, the sexual fires do sizzle and fizzle. Like everyone else, ruts arise in our relationships, systems malfunction, sparks don't always fly and yes, the occasional couples coaching session may be required to get hearts aligned. However, at the end of the day, there are households we run, jobs we work at, kids we need to get to school, families we have disagreements with, neighbors we say hello to and beds we snuggle into at night ... just like you ... and all of this outside of our human desires for sex!
What's currently being debated in the Supreme Court is about marriage and equality for all. Yet at the core, it's often overlooked, that while we seem so different, were so much the same — gay, straight, bisexual, transgender, lesbian, questioning or queer. Once the fallacies are removed, we suddenly become equal. So I wonder how many jobs could be created if we pooled all the money being spent to decide who can marry whom? (Just a thought!)
Rick Clemons is a Certified Professional Coach who's been featured on The Ricki Lake Show, and is a highly sought after radio show guest, blogger, author, and Sex Coach U Faculty Member, who lovingly addresses the many facets of Coming Out for all who are touched by this Journey. Rick also hosted his own radio show, The Coming Out Lounge, and has been an expert guest on numerous other radio shows, and in print on national blogs.