Here's how to make this breakup your LAST one!
So, it's time to let go. Maybe the other person has disappeared, told you that it's over, or you simply know in your heart of hearts that the relationship is not workable. Whatever the circumstances, breaking up is tough and we all want to feel better as quickly as possible.
As tempting as it is to move on immediately, I'd like to encourage you to slow down. Please don't miss the opportunity to turn this breakup into the best thing that has ever happened to you.
If you take the time to process the breakup emotionally and understand your part in creating the experience, you stand a much better chance of having a more fulfilling relationship the next time around. The keys are to mourn, evaluate and move forward.
The first thing to do is mourn. This is not popular advice. We all want to get to the good part, and this is definitely not it. The thing is, if you don't do it, you'll have a mess on your hands that will infect your future if it's not cleaned up. Much like throwing your laundry in the closet and never washing it, this might work for now, but it's not a good long-term strategy.
When you know it's over, set aside some time to be alone. Cry, pound a pillow, journal, really let yourself feel what is going on inside of you. Face the fact that your relationship has ended and feel the anger, sadness, or loneliness, whatever comes up.
Locate the feelings in your body and take time with them. Welcome them as best you can. This is not a popular idea in our drive-through instant-gratification culture, nor is it pleasant. It is, however, extremely effective.
Count on spending at least a weekend on this. Do not rush out with your friends or hit the bars right now. There will be plenty of time for that later. Sit with the pain and honor it so that it does not lurk in your heart and I promise that once you are done you will be done. Please treat yourself with compassion during this time.
After you have mourned your breakup, take time to evaluate your relationships. Journal about significant relationships in your life, how you felt and acted in them, and how they ended.
Pay especially close attention to your last three relationships and your relationships with your parents. You may be able to see some patterns you hadn't noticed before. If you invest the time and effort to do this thoroughly you will gain clarity and understanding.
After you've completed the first two steps, you will really be ready to move forward. This is where most people want to start, but doing the prep work really pays off. You've honored your feelings and taken a good look at how you've created your past relationships, so you are in a much better position to do something different now.
Go through your home and pack up all reminders of your last relationship and donate or throw them away. Write your ex a goodbye letter (no need to mail it, this can just be for you) or sit in a chair with another chair facing you where you can imagine him or her sitting and have a conversation for closure.
Set a time for yourself to begin dating again and stick to it. Take photos for an online profile, buy new clothes, new bedding, or get a makeover. Do something fresh and new, take up a hobby, volunteer.
Write in your journal about your hopes for your next relationship. How would you like to feel? What kind of person do you want to be with and what kind of person do you want to be? Don't hold back, write down everything you would like to experience.
Breakups can be difficult, but if you take the time to work through these three steps you will have a much better chance of your next relationship being happy and fulfilling. Please give yourself the opportunity to use this experience as rocket fuel to launch yourself into the best relationship of your life.
You deserve to be happy and you can be if you will dedicate yourself to doing what it takes to have the best life possible.
If you enjoyed this post and you're ready to stop leaving your love life to chance, click here. Love is worth reaching for. You can have it. I can help.