Your New Man May Be A Keeper, But Stop Pretending He's Perfect

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Your Man May Be A Keeper, But Stop Pretending He's Perfect
Love, Self

Love him, but watch yourself ...

Oh love. It really does make us do crazy things.

How can we go from being Miss Independent-Strong-Woman to a ball of blushing mush?!

When we finally fall for someone who really outshines them all, it’s easy to start to put them on a pedestal.

Just because you're in love with a keeper, that doesn’t mean you should elevate them to a status at which we start to lose perspective. It doesn’t help that our infatuated heart and mind has gone into overdrive, but keeping a reality check on ourselves and the relationship is imperative.

Healthy relationships require both people to stand on mutual ground, with both of you acknowledging your roles and value as individuals.

More often than not we aren’t even aware we've placed our partner on a pedestal until it’s too late — and they've either fallen off, or perhaps taken advantage of their new found height. I'm not saying you should devalue your man, but rather understanding the dangers (for both of you!) that come from putting him in a position that isn’t beneficial to either of you two.

Not convinced?

Here are 5 specific reasons you need to get him down from there before it’s too late:

1. No one is ever THAT amazing.

Not for one second am I saying you should settle for an average relationship. People aren’t perfect, but that doesn’t mean the only options for a life partner are limited to either assholes or mediocre men.

But when we fall in love with someone, we automatically start to gold-plate them. Hopefully the person you have given your heart to is an absolute gem and the gilded Prince you've been waiting for. But let’s not forget that no one is flawless.

It’s easy to start to idolize the person we love because we are infatuated with them. In the new stages of love, it’s common to elevate the person you are with beyond who they really are. This is mainly because you are still getting to know one another and are both trying so hard to impress one another, so of course they are going to appear like a Disney Prince to you!

2. Love can cause you to lose perspective.

We’ve all heard of those notorious rose-colored glasses that make everything seem so perfect. It’s almost like a given that as soon as you fall in love, those glasses become a permanent accessory until a few months or years down the track when they start to fog up and you have to take them off! When our heart becomes entwined with another, it’s easy to lose perspective and see what you want everything to be out of hope, rather than what it actually is. When we take the man we love off the pedestal and put him on equal ground with us, we gain a much clearer perspective on who he is and what the relationship is actually like.

3. No one is better or more important than you are.

It’s true that there are some incredibly wonderful people out there, and when you are lucky enough to snag one, it easy to get swept away. I know from personal experience — after dating the wrong men for 10 years — that when I finally found my one, I immediately put him on a pedestal. Of course, I didn't do so on purpose, but rather because he was so much better than what I'd had before.

The danger in elevating him above me was that I could have undervalued myself. No matter how badly you've been treated before, it doesn’t mean that you are any less worthy of a good man. And just because you've found a great man, this doesn’t make him any better than you.

You and he are equals, and the roles and appreciation of each other in a relationship should be equal too.

4. He needs you to give him some chase.

Loving your man openly and freely is important and normal. There is never a reason to play games, but you do need to also be your own person. When we start to idolize the person we're with, we can appear too available and too clingy, and perhaps even lose ourselves in the process.

Standing on equal ground in your relationship sends the signal to your man that you're not afraid to do your own thing. A healthy relationship shouldn’t mean you are totally dependent on a man for your happiness. It’s about wanting a man, not needing one.

5. It sets you up for disappointment.

The higher you place someone on a pedestal, the further they have to fall. When we start to place the man we love up so high, we build an unrealistic picture of who they are. Then when they begin to reveal their faults, we become incredibly disheartened and disappointed.

It’s important to appreciate and value your man, but it’s altogether another thing to elevate them so high that you lose a sense of who he is really is. Even the best of men can disappoint us, and while it may not be their intention, it still leaves us feeling hurt.

Make sure you aren’t building him up so much so that you place pressure on him to be your perfect knight in shining armor.  

Chances are he will make mistakes and he will let you down, purely because he is human.

Renee Slansky is a relationship and dating coach, as well as the Founder of The Dating Directory — an online community for women doing love, life and relationships.


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