It is no secret that giving is a very important part of being in a relationship. But what happens when you give too much? Is there such a thing as being too accommodating, or too nice?
I like to think positively about every situation. I try to be accommodating and understanding when something comes up in a relationship that is an inconvenience to me, or that requires making some sacrifice. And while I think this is an important personal trait, I realize that it can have some negative consequences when presented in excess. Here are four ways being too nice can ruin your relationship.
1. You’re not seeing the situation as it really is. When you’re always looking through rose-colored glasses, you’re missing the reality of your situation. Yes, it is important to focus on the positive. But it is also important to recognize the negative, and weigh it fairly. If you have your head in the happy clouds, you may miss signs that the person you are dating isn’t interested in you or isn’t being respectful towards you.
2. You’re not showing your entire self. After a few dates with someone recently, I realized that I had only shown the nice, accommodating, giving side of myself. The tough Brooklyn girl didn’t show up at all, and that’s just as much a part of who I am. Perhaps it was the type of dates we had, or the deep conversation we entered into. Whatever the reason, things have certainly fizzled between us and I wonder if my good behavior was to blame.
3. Your behavior is not sustainable. People get used to how we treat them, but it is not possible to maintain unbalanced giving. At some point you’ll realize that you are giving more than your partner, and you’ll pull back. Your partner will notice a change in your behavior, and he’ll pull back too. It will be a downward spiral for the relationship.
4. You’re not perceived as a challenge. When you’re always giving and accommodating, your partner may think he no longer has to make any effort to keep you. He’ll think you will always be there, no matter how he treats you. With this in mind, he’ll become less concerned with your needs and wants. He’ll act more selfishly, and the relationship will suffer.
To avoid being too nice, consider a role reversal. If the situations were reversed, would this person offer all that you are offering? Weigh that information fairly, and don’t make excuses for your partner. Making this a habit will keep you grounded in reality, and keep your relationships headed for success.
@RebeccaAMarquis is the author of How to Be a Good Boyfriend: 34 ways to keep her from getting annoying, jealous or crazy and offers dating humor and advice on her new Facebook page: facebook.com/RebeccaAMarquis.