We're all searching for it ...
Ask anyone what they truly want in life and one of their top three answers is going to be happiness.
Western cultures pursue happiness with passion and purpose, and yet few people are able to find happiness consistently.
You feel happiness for a moment when you’ve accomplished something, found new love, or had a significant event in your life. But the state of happiness is short lived. You soon have to begin pursuing a new goal to get that feeling of happiness back.
We’ve become addicted to that feeling, so we try to feel it as often as we can by buying that thing we think will make us happy, accomplishing that goal society told us we should make, competing and winning or meeting that person that will make us feel that way. This pursuit creates a hamster wheel of emotions that we can’t seem to jump off.
One of the key aspects of life where we look for happiness is in our relationships. We glorify that feeling of first meeting someone, falling in love, and how happy that makes us feel. But that feeling cannot be sustained in a long-term relationship.
No wonder people are divorcing and breaking up so often nowadays — our culture urges the pursuit of happiness. When that feeling is no longer there, we look for someone else that will make us happy, but we fail to realize that no one else can ever make us happy.
Your Circumstances Will Not Make You Happy
If you are basing your happiness on circumstances, people or things, you will never be happy consistently. Circumstances change, people change and things lose their value. If you base happiness on someone else, you will leave him or her when they no longer serve that happiness.
If your relationship enables that need for things to make you happy — i.e. your boyfriend/husband makes you happy by providing and giving you things — when he faces a hard time financially, you are no longer going to be happy. And what are you likely to do when you’re no longer happy with him? You’ll go and find someone else who you think will make you happy.
Goals Set For You By Someone Else, Will Not Make You Happy
Creating and achieving goals based on societies standards, comparisons to others, or a need to win will not make you happy for long. If you are setting a goal to get married because of pressure set by society or family, that person you marry will not keep you happy.
Want To Be Happy? Here’s What You Do
Recognize that your happiness is solely based you. When your circumstances change, you no longer have that thing that made you happy, or the honeymoon phase of your relationship fades, it is your responsibility to make yourself happy. If you rely on outside circumstances your happiness will change with the wind.
You must figure out your purpose in life — your vision, and set goals or have people around you that will serve that vision. Your goals and your relationship are not the key to your happiness, living for your purpose is.
Set goals that are important to you and serve your purpose, make a difference for you and that express your passions. Set goals that give and help others in need. Be grateful for what you have and express gratitude to others.
Look for a relationship with a shared purpose that will drive you, inspire you, and make you a better person. Your relationship should support your vision and create harmony in your life. Just remember, it’s only one part of the bigger picture and your happiness starts and ends with you.
Ravid Yosef is a Dating & Relationship Coach specializing in helping you shed negative behavior patterns. Consider her personal coaching and start living a fulfilling and happy life. Contact her here for your free consultation.
This article was originally published at LoveLifeTBD.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.