Will your story have a happy ending? You get to decide.
Your story defines who you are.
Your story defines your past, your experience in the present and how you predict the future. I often write about the patterns that life ingrains in us since our childhoods and how they affect our relationships. The story you tell yourself about your life is at the core of those patterns. Now imagine your life if your story was rewritten for the better?
How you interpret your life story will decide how your life goes.
According to psychologist Michele Crossley, depression and negative patterns in your behavior frequently stems from an “incoherent story,” an “inadequate narrative account of oneself,” or “a life story gone awry”.
Negative patterns stem from stories where you conclude some form of judgment about yourself. Your interpretation usually includes a feeling that something is wrong. You think, I’m not good enough, or I don't belong.
You react to that feeling with a negative pattern to protect yourself. It’s you against the world; you wont speak up because they won't understand. You think can’t trust anyone or some variation of this, and you continue to play it out in you life even when that need to protect yourself is no longer present.
I base most of my work on distinguishing between your story or pattern and your reality.
It’s how we figure out if our concerns are real or sabotaging our relationships, if we’re bringing our past relationship issues into our present, and if fear is ruling our intuition. But we don’t have to settle for our story. Distinguishing our story from reality is not enough to make a change in our life.
We must re-write our story.
How do we do this? In L.A., we call this "faking it 'til we make it", but let's just call it pretending or acting.
In order to create a successful relationship in my life, I had to become a new person — a loving, vulnerable and giving person. When I first started my journey, I was far from that. I closed myself off, and I was hard to please and stingy with my time and affection in my romantic relationships.
If I wanted to improve, I had to wake up everyday and ask myself, how would a loving, vulnerable and giving person act today?
And I acted that way until it became a part of who I am. It became my new story.
You can choose how your story goes. You are the author of your story. Choose your persona and just act as that person would. Pretend if you have to.
Do whatever it takes to live life like this person.
When you have a bad day and old stories and patterns creep in, ask yourself that question again. How would the person I want to emulate in my relationship act under these circumstances? Over time you could find yourself more accepting, forgiving and kind without having to pretend any longer.
Ravid Yosef is a Dating & Relationship Coach who helps clients virtually and around the world. She specializes in helping you shed the unhealthy dating patterns that are sabotaging your relationships. Download her free eBook is he relationship material to learn all the signs to look for before you commit and learn more about her coaching services here.
This article was originally published at LoveLifeTBD.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.