He CAN change, but only if he wants to.
As I was writing the article The Good, The Bad & The Ugly of When “We” Changes “Me” a few weeks ago, a common topic discussed amongst my friends and clients crossed my mind; based on what I’m writing, can a woman change a man?
According to science, your partner can change you. It’s been proven that your positive traits and sense of self can influence and create new positive traits in your partner. It’s also been proven that with the right type of support from your partner, you can have more success in your career.
I can hear a huge sigh of relief from women around the world as they read those words, but I urge you to proceed with caution and consider the following.
A man changes for the right woman at the right time.
That’s not to say that a man you once dated didn’t change for you because there’s something wrong with you. It just probably wasn't the right time for him. But this gives us all the more reason to work on ourselves.
The more positive we are in our life, the more positivity we will attract and influence in others. When we live each day being a better person, the world around us changes. I live life believing that I'm a fearless, accepting and powerfully moving being, and that in turn transfers to my partner, influencing him to act the same way.
Just because you can influence your partner, does not mean you can fix him.
When there’s a will, there's a way. If he doesn't possess the will to change, he will not, and there's nothing you can do about it. That's a job for him to do all on his own.
As a dating coach, I want to fix everyone, my partner included, but I have to show restraint. I can’t fix him, and I can’t even claim to fix you as a client. It's his will to become a better man that transforms him. As his partner, I have taken a stand to support him in becoming that man. As your coach, I can construct the play for you, but the only one capable of making that game winning shot is you.
Gandhi famously said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”
Gandhi’s quote doesn’t just apply to big issues that apply to the whole world. It also applies to your own life and your relationship with your partner. In order to affect change, you must be that change. You must act like the person you are committed to being in your words. You must create the environment that nurtures positive change in you and your partner.
When you accept that you cannot change him, that you are only a force for change, there's no limit to what you can create together if he's willing to do the work to get there.
Ravid Yosef is a Dating & Relationship Coach living in Los Angeles who works with clients virtually around the world. Download her free eBook, read her advice columns and learn more about her coaching services at lovelifetbd.com
This article was originally published at LoveLifeTBD.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.