New Year, New You, New Life, New Love (Part 1 of 3)

Okay, you’ve broken up, you’re going through a divorce, and it’s been really hard.  Believe me, I know. After my final breakup (he left three times during the time we were together) with my fiancée, the “love of my life” I’ll tell you, the emptiness not just in me, but in our home, was creepy.

Everywhere I looked there were remnants of what was missing. The cupboards were empty. Half the bookshelf was cleared. His half of the office was gone. My home had suddenly become one half of a life, with the other half gone far more quickly than it had arrived.

More from YourTango: Dating After a Break Up Or Divorce

When you face this kind of loss, there is one important thing to remember: focusing on what is missing does not bring it back or change anything.

Your natural instinct may be to obsess about what is gone, because it keeps you feeling connected, and it gives you hope that – as long as you’re still thinking about him or her – they may come back one day. This is false.

Focusing on the past will do nothing but consume your life. Your pain will continue to grow and grow until you are a victim, completely uninspired, wasting years still mourning an ancient loss. And believe me I know this first hand as so many clients who come to me are tired of this feeling and they want to change it.

So now that you know what’s at stake, let’s talk about how to make some different choices. ☺

Finding real love starts with finding self-love, so let’s focus on getting clarity about who YOU are in this new, unknown space. Once that clarity is intact, you will never again feel as though you are unworthy of love. With that, let’s look at how you are going to create your dream life in 2013, and become the best YOU possible.

Before I show you the path, I want to give you a magic formula. I want you to write it down and put it all over your office and home! You want to change things, right? Here it is:

Small Steps + Efficient Steps = BIG RESULTS

If you talk to any successful person who is leading a fulfilled life, you will find out that they took many many steps and the whole result came out of a process that was backed up with Intention and Attention. Remember the old saying “Rome was not built in a day”.  So here we go - let’s start taking those steps.

Exercise: Identifying Your “Who”

When you are aware of who you really are and who you want to be, you’re able to tap into your unlimited potential, access your incredible strength and design a vision that is exciting, purposeful and fulfilling.

To begin, find some quiet time today when you can sit down with your computer or notebook and figure out who you really are. This is the “who” that you want to be, the “who” that is in absolute alignment with your wants, desires and vision. Every time you write something about your “who”, stop and evaluate by asking yourself: Is this the “who” that I am, or is this the “who” my parents / siblings / friends / society / religion / politics / colleagues tell me I should be?

More from YourTango: Self Confidence: 4 Steps To Feel Good About Yourself

Question everything until you get to your real authentic “who”. And keep your eyes open for January’s blog, in which we will delve into how to go from finding your “who”, to actually leading the life you desire in 2013 and beyond. It’s a juicy topic, so stay tuned!

To your new choices!!!