In my experience most of the relationships that fall apart
started with “love” of this sort: blindness or the denial of real
reasons and agendas most likely were at work at the time. Just by
looking at how relationships started one can pretty much predict
how they will end if there were no personal development work
involved i.e., if the awareness level has not been raised and each
person came to grips with reality. Relationships that start with
such infatuation usually start disintegrating as soon as the
original needs and motives for starting the relationship have been
realized. The reason for “loving” has dissipated and the man
becomes just another annoying person with all his positive
characteristics which were the original reason for entering
into a relationship with him turning into faults. His being strong
and tough becomes a bully and insensitive, being successful into
“never spending enough time with the family”, being funny into always
telling crude jokes, etc. This is not to say that men have no part to
play in these dynamics.
Men are equally responsible because of their resistance to
looking at the true nature of the relationship in the first place,
along with the need to believe the unbelievable – namely, that they
are irresistibly lovable just for being themselves.
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The inherent reason for such automatic behavior on both sides is
well explained in The Gameless Relationship so I’m not going to
repeat it here. Suffice it to say that 15,000 years of living in
survival mode have created deep roots in our way of thinking and
dealing with realities, that we most of the time operate on
automatic and rarely stop to smell the roses and attempt to be
authentic because being authentic, although seemingly dangerous at
times, will not summon a saber tooth tiger to threaten our very life.
Relationships that start with a healthy attitude and genuine love – which is often confused with “being IN
love” – have a much better chance of survival. Maybe there is
something to be said in favor of “arranged” marriages, but I’ll leave
that subject for future articles.
Love to all,
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