Do women have an ulterior motive when they start a relationship?
Oh, yes they do! Now, let’s see how this works. I understand that
it is a generalization, but we are generally either men or women,
so this would apply to all of us to a larger or smaller degree whether
we are aware of it or not.
Everyone knows what a man’s agenda is, at least at the beginning
of a “romantic” relationship. It’s sex, loud and clear. We men of
course will not admit it out loud, but that’s what we dream of when we
encounter a woman we “like”. Women know that as well and they use it,
consciously or not, to attract men. So, now women know what we want,
but are we men aware of what and if women want something from us.
Generally speaking, yes, unless we get “romantically” involved,
i.e., fall in love. At that point we’d like to think that we swept them
off their feet. In other words, we prefer to be blind and have our
ego take over. We like to think that a woman was attracted to us for
who we are, because of our personality, because we are funny,
well-built, macho, smart, intelligent, good looking, etc. Usually
nothing can be further from the truth.
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Our agenda when we meet a woman we are attracted to is sex; women’s
agenda — whether they know it or not – is a committed relationship
leading to marriage. Women don’t date, only men do. That
all-encompassing motive may have any one of many sub-motives, including:
- Wanting to be rescued from a frustrating life situation
- Wanting to get away from controlling parents or a dissatisfying relationship with a man.
- Wanting to be taken care of, financially and/or emotionally,
specifically, wanting someone to protect her from the things that
she fears. Those may include being alone and being responsible for
herself, making decisions, dealing with money matters, or dealing
with the everyday stresses and conflicts of life.
- Wanting to be validated as lovable and attractive.
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- Wanting a baby.
Just as a man transforms a woman into an object when it comes to
his dreams about sex, so does a woman unconsciously transform the man
into an object. She is attracted to him for his potential function in
her life, a motive she will deny because she wants to believe that her
motive is pure love. Her denial is no different from a man’s denial
when he says, “I really do love you. I’m not just after sex.”