Expert Blog Compelling advice, stories, and thought-provoking perspectives straight from YourTango's lineup of Experts to you

5 Things Your Husband Wants You To Know (But Won't Tell You)

Photo: WeHeartIt
Love, Self

When your husband doesn't communicate, here's what he's thinking.

There are many things your husband would love for you to know about him, but he just won’t tell you. Is he purposely not sharing these things with you or has it simply been a while since you had a deep conversation together?

The answer is different for each couple, but here are five things every husband wants his wife to know:

1. He loves you.

You are his world, even if you don't think so. He doesn't always have an easy time expressing his feelings or sharing verbally, though he does show you in other ways. While you prefer a hug or words of endearment, he demonstrates his love when he buys you your favorite snack just because or mows the lawn.

2. He's hurt when you complain about him with your friends and/or in public.

When you make a joke about how he can’t find anything, that he doesn’t listen to what you say, or that he's a hermit, he doesn’t find it funny. When you criticize him in public he feels shamed. After a while, these remarks begin to chip away at his trust in you as his loving partner.

3. He wants to be Number One.

Although he loves your devotion to the children, he sometimes feels left out. He wants to feel more important than the kids sometimes, like when he's talking to you and the children interrupt; He wished you'd put him first instead of attending to them. He's your full partner in parenting, but he doesn’t want to compete for Supermom’s attention. He wishes you would take interest in him, spend time with him, and go out once in a while. Showing your kids that your marriage comes first is a valuable lesson that will benefit them in the long-run even though they're “kicking and screaming” when you leave them with a baby sitter.

4. His sense of self-worth is directly connected to his abilities to provide for you.

If your husband is currently out of a job, and you're experiencing tension in your relationship, it's no wonder why. He needs you to understand how hard it is for him when he can’t provide because he feels like a failure. When you get anxious about your financial situation, it makes him feel even worse because he has let you down. There's nothing more satisfying for a man than providing for his family. Realize that money is an extremely charged issue for both of you. Any discussion about the topic will be smoother if you're more sensitive and focus on crunching numbers instead of battling fears.

5. He wants your appreciation.

He wants to know that you appreciate him for everything he does for you. He wants to know that you appreciate him for who he is. When you complain about all of the things he doesn’t do right, it's hard for him to feel that you value him. For every negative remark you make, try to think of five positive things to say to counteract the negative effects of a critical word. While we may feel so busy with life’s to-do list that we forget to express our appreciation, we seem to find time to share a complaint or frustration with our spouse. Try carving out a few minutes each day before bed where you share with your husband what you appreciate about him and why.

These five points are not all that surprising or profound, but you’ll be amazed at the positive and immediate effect they have on your marriage.

By accepting the way your husband loves you, being careful about criticizing him, making him Number One, monitoring your money fears and expressing appreciation for him, you're showing him that you're willing to meet him half way toward a better and more fulfilling relationship.

If you would like some help with your relationship, especially with communication, we can help! Contact us in our local Baltimore office for marriage counseling sessions or if you are not local to Pikesville, MD, we can talk over the phone and/or work together via Skype.

This article was originally published at Reprinted with permission from the author.


Explore YourTango