No one is very good at this. It goes against our lifelong patterns that have been set up to push fear away. Even if we move slowly in this direction, however, it can lead to a triumph of love over the destructive potential of fear, and make the difference between a relationship living or dying. That is not to say that love and acceptance transforms fear into rainbows and butterflies. Even within the arms of love, fear is still raw, painful, and deeply unsettling. But when fear becomes an accepted ‘citizen’ in the relationship, it is no longer the enemy. It’s just the colicky baby that needs your time and attention once in a while.