ProConnect

Is Your Relationship Right for You?

By

Is Your Relationship Right for You?
A few ways to help you determine whether your relationship is a good fit for you.

This guest article from Psych Central was written by Danielle B. Klotzkin, MFT.

 

More from YourTango: Just Friends or Emotional Infidelity?

We make ourselves crazy trying to figure it out. We look for signs and ask psychics. We go over it again and again in conversations with ourselves and with our friends: "Is this the right relationship for me?"

Or we avoid thinking about it at all, and just go along with the other person’s agenda, only to find ourselves feeling stuck and dissatisfied in relationships that don’t fit us, go on too long, or end badly.

I wish I had a magic crystal ball to guide you, but I don’t. Decisions about continuing or ending a relationship are not easy. There are extremely complicating factors in our relationships, such as love, attraction, children, money and extended family.

Four questions, however, can help guide you. Ask yourself:

1. Most of the time, do I feel stronger or weaker when I think about my partner? Check out your physical, mental and emotional energy, your mental energy. Is this person mostly strengthening you, or mostly depleting you?

2. Most of the time, do I feel stronger or weaker when I share time and space with my partner? How do you feel when you hear your partner walk up the steps to your home? How do you feel when you are sitting in the car together? How do you feel when you are in a group of people? Again, check out your overall energy level. Do you feel stronger, or depleted?

More from YourTango: Recognizing the Signs of Love Addiction

3. Overall, does the energy and time that I invest in the relationship make it stronger and more stable? Often we can work on our relationships to try to shift them into being more strengthening and less depleting. The question is, does that work seem to actually pay off?

4. Given the reality of this relationship, pros and cons, am I done searching for something better? You never really know if there is something better -- there’s always a chance that there is. So, the question is, are you done looking? Some people are done in their 20s; some are never done. Just try to be honest with yourself and your partner.

And try to be patient as you try to figure it all out. No one gave you a magic crystal ball, either.

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

John M. Grohol

Psychologist

Dr. John Grohol is a mental health expert and founder of Psych Central. He has been writing about online behavior, mental health and psychology issues, and the intersection of technology and psychology since 1992.

Location: Newburyport, MA
Credentials: PsyD
Other Articles/News by John M. Grohol:

Just Friends or Emotional Infidelity?

By

A new sort of infidelity has been on the rise for decades, and it's one of the biggest threats to marriage: "emotional affairs." Today's workplace has become the new danger zone of opportunities for emotional affairs, surpassed only by the Internet. A relationship without sex can be just as intense, or more so than a sexual one. Not ... Read more

Recognizing the Signs of Love Addiction

By

While people may admit to having struggles in their relationships, including difficulty with intimacy, it is sometimes hard to admit that you struggle with love addiction. But what if you have come to terms with love addiction, and realized that you are struggling with behaviors that are a source of upset and unmanageability in your life? What if you ... Read more

5 Rituals to Strengthen Your Marriage

By

I’m a big believer in the power of ritual. When you do something over and over, you start to anticipate the feelings you’ll have. So when it comes to our relationships, it’s important to have rituals that make us feel emotionally connected. Perhaps even more importantly, they create the expectation of being emotionally connected, which is half ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Cooking Together

6 More Eco-Conscious Ideas For A Better World And A Better You

Here are six tips on how you can have sex more consciously and also be kind to the environment.

Family With 2 Young Kids

What Wise Parents Know About Raising Successful Children

What are we teaching our children when we focus on their achievements rather than their kindness?

Girl Decorates Easter Eggs

"Love is the bridge between you and everything" Rumi

Love is all around us, if we allow yourselves to see it.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS