Is Your Relationship Right for You?

By

Is Your Relationship Right for You?
A few ways to help you determine whether your relationship is a good fit for you.

This guest article from Psych Central was written by Danielle B. Klotzkin, MFT.

 

We make ourselves crazy trying to figure it out. We look for signs and ask psychics. We go over it again and again in conversations with ourselves and with our friends: "Is this the right relationship for me?"

Or we avoid thinking about it at all, and just go along with the other person’s agenda, only to find ourselves feeling stuck and dissatisfied in relationships that don’t fit us, go on too long, or end badly.

I wish I had a magic crystal ball to guide you, but I don’t. Decisions about continuing or ending a relationship are not easy. There are extremely complicating factors in our relationships, such as love, attraction, children, money and extended family.

Four questions, however, can help guide you. Ask yourself:

1. Most of the time, do I feel stronger or weaker when I think about my partner? Check out your physical, mental and emotional energy, your mental energy. Is this person mostly strengthening you, or mostly depleting you?

2. Most of the time, do I feel stronger or weaker when I share time and space with my partner? How do you feel when you hear your partner walk up the steps to your home? How do you feel when you are sitting in the car together? How do you feel when you are in a group of people? Again, check out your overall energy level. Do you feel stronger, or depleted?

3. Overall, does the energy and time that I invest in the relationship make it stronger and more stable? Often we can work on our relationships to try to shift them into being more strengthening and less depleting. The question is, does that work seem to actually pay off?

4. Given the reality of this relationship, pros and cons, am I done searching for something better? You never really know if there is something better -- there’s always a chance that there is. So, the question is, are you done looking? Some people are done in their 20s; some are never done. Just try to be honest with yourself and your partner.

And try to be patient as you try to figure it all out. No one gave you a magic crystal ball, either.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

John M. Grohol

Psychologist

Dr. John Grohol is a mental health expert and founder of Psych Central. He has been writing about online behavior, mental health and psychology issues, and the intersection of technology and psychology since 1992.

Location: Newburyport, MA
Credentials: PsyD
Website: PsychCentral
Other Articles/News by John M. Grohol:

The Good News About Being "In Transition"

By

This guest article from Psych Central was written by Linda Bloom LCSW and Charlie Bloom MSW. Webster defines “transition” as a passage or process of changing from one form to another. It has been said that we live in a time of transition, of rapid change, and things in our fast paced society don’t show signs of slowing down any time soon. ... Read more

The Crazy Reasons People Say Yes To Sex Are Shocking

By

This guest article from Psych Central was written by Eve Eschner Hogan. Why people have sex doesn't seem like it should be a mystery, but a study at the University of Texas asked that very question. We might assume that "it feels good," "I wanted to show my love" or "I wanted to get pregnant" were among the top contenders ... Read more

8 Pieces Of Common Advice That Will Derail Your Relationship

By

This guest article from Psych Central was written by Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S. When you're tying the knot, friends and family may share a few nuggets of advice for living happily ever after. If later you're going through a difficult time in your marriage, they may again be quick to share their input. You might even seek their guidance, hoping a ... Read more

See More

GET MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS IN YOUR INBOX!

Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB