Recovery from Conflict is Key in Relationships

By

Recovery from Conflict is Key in Relationships
How soon and how well your partner recovers from conflict is key to a sound relationship.

This guest article from Psych Central was written by Rick Nauert.

Research in time for Valentine’s Day suggests a key indicator for a fulfilling and stable romantic relationship is a partner who recovers from conflict well.

 

University of Minnesota scientists found that if your romantic partner recoups well after the two of you have a spat, you reap the benefits.

The research looks at how people recover or come down after a conflict with their romantic partner, said Jessica Salvatore, doctoral student and lead researcher in the study, which is set to appear in the journal Psychological Science and has been released online.

Salvatore and her colleagues’ research digs into a new area. In the past, marriage researchers have focused on how people resolve conflicts, but they never looked at what happens after the conflict ends and how people recover, Salvatore said.

“What we show is that recovering from conflict well predicts higher satisfaction and more favorable relationship perceptions. You perceive the relationship more positively,” Salvatore said.

The interesting finding is that you don’t have to be the one who recovers well to benefit.

“If I’m good at recovering from conflict, my husband will benefit and be more satisfied with our relationship,” Salvatore said.

The study’s participants were 73 young adults who have been studied since birth and their romantic partners.

“Several decades of marriage research show that what happens during a conflict matters. What we show is that what happens in the time following a conflict also matters,” she said.

A partner who recovers well doesn’t let remnants of the conflict spill over or leak into other parts of the relationship, Salvatore said. He or she is able to separate conflict from other types of interactions, such as deciding how to parent their children or providing support to one another.

The study’s findings are relevant to everyone in relationships, Salvatore said.

“I especially think this will be important for marital therapists and other people who are working with couples who are experiencing some relationship distress,” Salvatore said.

Results of the study also show that infant attachment security plays a role in how someone recovers from conflict.

“Having a caregiver who was more in-tune and responsive to your emotional needs as an infant predicts better conflict recovery 20 years later,” Salvatore said.

This means that if your caregiver is better at regulating your negative emotions as an infant, you tend to do a better job of regulating your own negative emotions in the moments following a conflict as an adult.

But not all is lost if you were insecurely attached as an infant.

“We also show people who were insecurely attached as infants but whose adult romantic partners recover well from conflict are likely to stay together. What this shows is that good partners in adulthood can help make up for difficulties experienced early in life,” Salvatore said.

Source: University of Minnesota

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

John M. Grohol

Psychologist

Dr. John Grohol is a mental health expert and founder of Psych Central. He has been writing about online behavior, mental health and psychology issues, and the intersection of technology and psychology since 1992.

Location: Newburyport, MA
Credentials: PsyD
Website: PsychCentral
Other Articles/News by John M. Grohol:

There's A Reason All Your Relationships Fail — Sorry, It's You

By

Have you had multiple partners, but the basic dynamic between you and them remains the same; which in short is this—you don't get what you want? Somehow you keep making the same mistake, either choosing the wrong person or looking for the wrong thing from the person you choose. Filling a void What I often see in my private practice are adults ... Read more

How To Love And Support Your Partner After Serving Overseas

By

What people do not see and may not understand is that the homecoming of a veteran is both a treasured event and a complex process. For a couple, in addition to all that it demands in terms of the reality of time, space, roles, money, kids and deployment cycles, homecoming means finding a way to integrate all that has happened to each partner into the ... Read more

Is Marriage A Good Deal Or An Ordeal?

By

There are lots of expectations about what marriage will provide that motivate people to choose it over the single life. Including … Love Companionship Regular sex Meaningful emotional connection Mutual support Financial and emotional security Material comfort A permanent ... Read more

See More

 
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular