Many people wonder about how to start a conversation about sharing fantasies. When you feel like the time is right, go on a special date night or cook a good meal at home. Talk to your lover about the idea that fantasies are distinct from desires, and remind them that if either one of you shares a fantasy you are not necessarily asking to try it out. Rather, you are revealing your thoughts and emotions and deepening your intimacy. Then take turns sharing a fantasy and discussing your desires. Share a fantasy, and then go deeper to determine what elements of that fantasy you really want to experience! Take turns with your lover, and as each one of you shares a fantasy, make sure to stay open-minded and compassionate. As you share each fantasy, make sure to hear one another out about what that fantasy means to you, which parts are most exciting, and where the line between fantasy and desire is. Sharing fantasies is intimidating partly because we fear being judged. But no one judges people who love horror movies - that is a fantasy too, a way of enjoying wild possibilities in the safety of the imagination. Sexual fantasies have no limits and no repercussions - they exist only in your erotic imagination. If you can freely share sexual fantasies, and then communicate about your desires, you’ll be well on your way towards enjoying a sex life that is extremely satisfying, intimate and exciting.
So whether you wait just a few months or a full year before getting real about your sexual fantasies with your lover, make sure that in the mean time you are getting in touch with your own erotic imagination so you’ll know what to ask for when you finally take that step. It takes courage and confidence to talk to your lover about your fantasies. Only by being honest with yourself about your most authentic desires will you be able to create the sex life you want with your lover.
Ready to harness the power of your erotic imagination to create the sex life you really want? Our book The Fantasy Method, offers a step by step process for having an intimate conversation with your lover about your sexual fantasies, getting clear about your authentic sexual desires and setting erotic goals to create a fulfilling sex life on your own terms.