Long ago, love letters were written to express longing and desire. They were dispatched by messenger and reached their destination days, weeks or months later. Today, there is sexting. At the tap of a finger you can send a few lines to your beloved and they receive it near instantaneously.
Can sexting still be romantic? Can sexting fuel a fabulous sex life? Absolutely! But sexting can also lead to awkwardness, resentment and flat out disgust. Here is the grown-up’s guide to sexting - so you can use technology to your erotic advantage and avoid any embarrassing mistakes! Want even more sexting advice? Listen to our free podcast episode Sexting For Grown Ups
Sexting Tip #1: Use Sexting As Foreplay
For some long distance relationships, sexting is the main event. For most of us, sexting is all about creating anticipation for when you get together in person. So treat sexting as part of all-day foreplay and aim to build anticipation and desire for your next big date night.
Sexting can be a way of planting the seeds of desire, letting your lover’s imagination take over and slowly build up desire for you. Thinking about sex during the day can be a powerful way to get slowly turned on so you don’t have to start from scratch when you see one another that evening. But think of it as a slow simmer.
Like other kinds of foreplay, start sexting with a gentle approach and only gradually build up the intensity. Start an exchange with a playful, flirtatious text and see how your lover responds. Are they in the mood to sext with you today? Or not? Learn how to sext with finesse and it’ll go a long way to keeping the relationship hot in the long run. Sext with neediness or insensitivity and it can drain your lover’s libido in no time at all.
Sexting Tip #2: Build Anticipation For The Real Thing
We encourage you to “sext like you sex!” Don’t sext about things you haven’t done yet together, or jump right to super explicit and raunchy sexts. Sexting can be a seduction: and seduction is all about creating an irresistible invitation. Send your lover sexts that name what you loved most about the last time you made love, or make specific requests for the next time.
You could sext, for example, “I can’t stop thinking about how you touched me last night, my body shivers at the memory” or “Remember that amazing spanking you gave me a few months ago? When can we do that again?” or “I’m having a super stressful day. Could you help me unwind tonight?”
Sexting Tip #3: Keep It Private
One of the most awkward things about sexting is receiving a sext at a bad moment, like when you are shopping with your mother or in the middle of a business meeting! We recommend using a private sexting app exclusively for communication with your lover. Apps are always changing so do a quick search to find a good one - check out Between for one option. Private sexting apps create a safe container for interactions with your lover. You can check your messages at your own discretion and not worry about sexy texts popping up at the wrong moment!
Keep in mind, no matter what app you are using, anything you put out there could come back to haunt you. We don’t recommend sending sexy photos (especially with your face showing) or any explicit texts that would ruin your life if leaked. Play within your own safe boundaries and you’ll feel much more free to be yourself! The anxiety of a nude photo being spread around by a vindictive ex is just not worth it!
Sexting Tip #4: Be Yourself
Make your sexting an authentic expression of who you are as a sexual being. Don’t try to be someone you are not. Sexting is way sexier if it is a real expression of who you are. Don’t copy and paste sexts from a website - write them to reflect your specific relationship and desires. It’s the difference between getting a pre-written greeting card and a handwritten love letter.
Everyone wants to feel paid attention to and special. So get specific with your sexts. Instead of saying “Excited to kiss you later” say “Have fun at the gym, but save some energy for me!” Instead of “You look sexy today” write “I watched you leave this morning, and your hair looked amazing in the sunlight.” Instead of “You are hot” say “I can’t wait to kiss your crooked smile and see your gorgeous dimples.” Specific is sexier every time!
Sexting Tip #5: Keep Sexting Honest
Nothing is worse than getting teased all day with no big payoff! Sure, you can flirt and tease by sexting without any specific agenda. But keep in mind that if you are sexting all day long about how you can’t wait to rip your lover’s clothes off when he gets home, he may have some expectations! Constantly teasing without following through can lead to resentment, which can build up over time. Be honest in your sexting. If you don’t have any intention of being sexual that night, keep your sexting more general. If you are really in the mood, and are counting down the hours until you get to go home and pounce, let your lover know so they can anticipate it.
Also get specific with your lover about what kind of language turns you on. Do you have specific words for body parts or sex acts that feel more comfortable? Let them know so they don’t gross you out with the wrong choice of words! Do you like getting really explicit or leaving more to the imagination? Again, make your wishes clear so you can enjoy sexting one another in your own unique way.
Sexting Tip #6: Make Sexting Romantic
Sexting can be more than just expressing desire for physical sex. It can be an amazing way to communicate romantically with your lover. Expand your definition of sexting to include sharing everyday pleasures, compliments and gratitude. Praise your lover, tell them how much you appreciate them (again, be specific) and tell them about what you are enjoying in your day. Think about how you want your lover to feel when they pick up their phone and see your name. Creating little moments of joy and romance in their day can go a long way towards keeping your relationship exciting.
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