#6: Detox Your Sex Life
As sex educators who work primarily online, we offer free personal sex advice through our website. We hear a lot of very intimate stories from once-happy couples who have lost their connection. If you are in a dry spell or feeling disconnected from your partner, it may be time to detox your sex life. I call regret and resentment the Toxic Twins: almost all couples who drift in the bedroom are harboring some level of toxic emotion that is preventing them from being intimate. Resentment is a very common emotion in long term relationships. If your lover does something that upsets you, and you don’t confront it honestly, resentment begins creeping in. Likewise, if you are harboring regret over something you did, you'll feel less available to receive your lover's affections. Even regrets about something long ago in your past may resurface and create toxicity in your sex life. As soon as you feel yourself closing down from intimacy, do an emotional check-in and make sure you are not holding on to any resentment or regret. Confront issues as they come up, while they are manageable and before you develop long-term issues that will take much more effort to make right.
#7: Free Yourself From Shame
Many people hold back from fully exploring their sexuality due to shame. As a sex educator, I consider it my duty to slay shame at every opportunity. Shame tells us that we are wrong, dirty or immoral for exploring our desires. Shame tells us that, "good girls don't." Shame lurks around our desires, keeping us within a very narrow window of what is sexually possible. The truth is, most shame is a cultural legacy from the past and doesn’t have any real power over us. You can choose to confront shame and recognize that you are a sexually independent being who can decide for yourself what is right and wrong. Want to explore anal stimulation? Do it with self-respect and it never has to hurt. Curious about erotic spanking? That doesn't make you a bad girl, it just means you are craving more intensity. Sexual shame is pervasive and damages all of us. Choose to create a healthier sex culture for all of us by rejecting the stereotypes that shame one another for being sexual beings. It is time we celebrate pleasure, embrace sexual diversity and create a world where sexuality is honored.
#8: Prioritize Erotic Fitness
Everyone can experience lots of sexual pleasure, no matter what size their body is. Comfort with your body and confidence are way more important to sexual satisfaction than fitting into our culture's norms of beauty. There are, however, sexual benefits to being fit and strong. Genital arousal is dependent on blood flow, and being obese impairs blood flow. Obesity can create major circulation issues, hormonal imbalances and loss of stamina. Anything you can do to be more fit and strong in your body will positively impact your sex life. This relationship is so clear that Dr. Oz calls the penis, "the dipstick of cardiovascular health" because loss of erection (and in women, loss of arousal and sensation) is one of the first signs of heart disease. Both as a sex educator and as an individual, I have been exploring the idea of weight loss through erotic embodiment, and have personally lost almost 50 pounds simply by making choices that would feel more pleasurable, give me more sexual energy and benefit my sex life. So next time you need motivation to work up a sweat, think about improving your sex life as you move your body and get your heart pumping!
#9: Breathe More, Feel More
I never imagined that being a sex educator would lead me to teach breathing as a basic sexual skill! Breathing is one of the simplest and most underestimated erotic skills. Quite often, when women ask for advice on orgasm, I tell them to breathe. When men want to know how to feel more pleasure and delay ejaculation, I teach them the edging technique, which uses breath as a primary skill for lasting longer in bed. Mindful breathing functions on many levels to optimize your sexual experience. First, it brings you into the present moment and stops you from becoming distracted, allowing you to focus on the pleasure you are experiencing. Then, by flooding your bloodstream with oxygen it allows all of your cells to fire more efficiently, literally allowing you to feel more pleasure. Breath work can also either relax your system or charge it up, so you can keep your sexual experience going longer or propel yourself towards an orgasm. Want to feel more pleasure? Take some advice from a professional sex educator and breathe more!
#10: Sex Is Spiritual
No matter what your religion or spiritual path, you can embrace sexuality as a spiritual act. Recognizing that our sexuality is a profound gift allows us to approach it with honor and respect. You can choose to approach sexuality as a sacred force, and use it to express love, gratitude and devotion. When you recognize sexuality as a spiritual force, it encourages you to make better choices and honor the intimacy of connecting with another human being. How you choose to express your sexuality is as deeply personal as how you understand the divine. Yet at it's core, sex is about intimacy with something greater than ourselves and a celebration of life force. Our human sexuality is at once a wild, divine expression of our animal nature and a sophisticated social experiment. When we surrender to the mystery of sexual pleasure, we allow our hearts and minds to open up to the ecstatic potential of sex, and there is no limit to how much joy and bliss we are capable of feeling!
Being a sex educator is my calling: I've always known it was what I was born to do. It is an immensely gratifying profession, and makes for great cocktail conversations. Most of all, being a professional sex educator allows me to help men, women and couples all over the world to discover more pleasure and more intimacy. Is there anything holding you back from fully enjoying your sexual potential? Get in touch! I offer free, personalized sex advice and expert guidance. It is my commitment as a sex educator to offer effective, efficient strategies so you can experience more pleasure. Let me know how I can serve you!