When I tell people that I am a professional sex educator, the most common first response is "Oh cool — at which school?" Our culture tends to think of sex education as something that happens during our teenage years only, confined to awkward classrooms with a stuttering gym teacher. My response? "Oh no, I am a sex educator for adults. I teach the fun stuff!"
As a full-time, professional sex educator, my job is to guide men, women and couples in enjoying their full sexual potential. I also work towards creating a healthier global sex culture because none of us can truly experience sexual wellness while living in a sexually violent culture. At PleasureMechanics.com, I teach erotic touch skills and couples massage through video guides. Through my videos and books, I have taught people in over 60 countries around the world. We offer free personal sex advice and answer real questions on our podcast, so we get intimate insight into people's real sex lives; especially the struggles, challenges and obstacles that stop them from enjoying their sex life. What's amazing is how we are all connected: we share the same struggles no matter what our age, orientation or other identity category.
More from YourTango: Have The Best Sex Of Your Life This Weekend: A Roadmap To Bliss
Here are the top ten things I teach as a professional sex educator; the ten most common things we need to overcome to experience the full potential of our human sexuality.
#1: Touch Is Essential
Going to massage school was the best thing I've done to train as a sex educator. Touch is the foundation for all amazing sex: yet most of us never learn how to touch with skill and confidence. Many of us fumble our way through sex, giving touch that is neither pleasurable nor satisfying. Touch is a major part of what makes sex so nourishing, and if you learn a few basic skills you can vastly improve the amount of pleasure you give your lover. We offer stroke-by-stroke couples massage video guides so you can learn how to touch your lover with the skills of a professional masseur (combined with the erotic know-how of a sex educator!)
#2: Know Thy Body
As a professional sex educator, I study human anatomy in depth. I don't stop at sexual anatomy basics: I have learned how the nervous system works, how our muscles fire, how hormones work and so much more. The bottom line? The human body is designed for pleasure! We are built to experience vast amounts of arousal, powerful orgasms and euphoric highs. Ready to tap into more pleasure? Start by learning your basic sexual anatomy and then put your knowledge into practice by experimenting with prolonging your arousal, having multiple orgasms and trying new kinds of erotic stimulation. Your body is capable of experiencing way more pleasure than you imagine, and only you can choose to activate your full potential.
#3: Use Your Entire Sexual System
Many women don't know where their clitoris and g-spot are located. But even those who do don't use their entire sexual system. Men and women both have complex sexual systems that are designed for pleasure. Both the penis and the clitoris extend deep into the body and are larger than we often acknowledge. As a sex educator and erotic touch expert, I teach techniques that activate the entire sexual system for maximum pleasure. Learn how to stimulate lesser-used parts of the system like the labia, the perineum and yes, the anus. The different parts of the sexual system work together beautifully to create intense arousal and orgasms. By learning how to touch all parts in harmony, you'll truly discover what kind of pleasure you are capable of. For women, this means activating all parts of the vulva and exploring the depths of the clitoris and the pleasures of the g-spot. For men, it means tapping into the deep root of the penis and the perineum. For all of us, exploring pleasurable, pain-free anal stimulation means reclaiming all parts of our sexual anatomy as potential pleasure zones! If you aren't using all of your equipment, you are never going to experience the full range of pleasure that is available to you.
More from YourTango: Your Plan For The Ultimate Romantic Date Night At Home
#4: Learn To Receive
For most of us, the pleasure we experience is only limited by how much pleasure we allow ourselves to receive. Most people are generous and ready to give as much pleasure as their lover can handle. The limiting factor is our own pleasure anxiety and self-inflicted perceptions of what we can handle. Learning to receive more pleasure is an active process, both physical and emotional. First, you need to embrace the idea that you deserve lots of pleasure and that receiving more pleasure won't make you selfish or hedonistic. Once you choose to receive more pleasure, you need to train your body to be able to tolerate higher and higher levels of pleasure. Massage is an amazing tool to start. While receiving massage, there is nothing to do but relax and savor the sensations your lover is giving you. You can tune into the pleasure available from every inch of your skin. Once you are comfortable receiving massage, you can bring those skills into the bedroom and allow your lover to fully pleasure you with their hands or mouth. Taking turns during sex (rather than try to give and receive pleasure at the same time) will allow you to feel more pleasure, going deeper into the experience of receiving and allowing your arousal to build to new heights.
#5: Reduce Stress For Better Sex
Stress is the #1 enemy of your sex life. As a sex educator I spend a lot of time teaching about the negative impact of stress on libido and sexual performance. Many people are so stressed out they simply can not flip the switch to relax and feel pleasure. It is a physiological fact: you can't get aroused if you are stressed out. This is another reason we are such big fans of couples massage: a few minutes of massage is a highly effective and efficient way to let go of stress and begin to get aroused. Other methods of releasing stress include exercise, yoga, hot showers and meditation. Learn what works for you and make it a priority to get rid of stress so you can enjoy a better sex life! Keep reading...