Follow this communication plan to prevent cheating and create a more fulfilling relationship
We offer free personalized sex advice and answer your questions on our podcast, Speaking of Sex. Recently, we've received a ton of emails about cheating: from men who have cheated and feel guilty, lovers who suspect their partner is cheating, and new couples who want to prevent cheating. We tend to focus on how to create the most satisfying, pleasure-filled relationship possible; we also know that cheating is one of the biggest reasons relationships fail. We took on this complicated topic on our podcast and laid out a plan on How To Prevent Cheating.
We believe there are simple steps couples can take to prevent cheating. These steps not only help prevent cheating, but also strengthen communication and create a more intimate, fulfilling relationship. So whether or not you are worried about your lover cheating on you, follow this plan to create a healthier relationship and get more of what you want, both in and out of the bedroom!
We encourage couples to make clear spoken agreements about the "contract of their relationship." Every relationship has at it's foundation a set of agreements and expectations, but most of the time these go unspoken and people assume their partner is on the same page. In the podcast, we walk you through how to make your relationship much stronger by naming your authentic needs, desires and boundaries.
It is crucial to understand the difference between desires and fantasies. But what about needs vs. desires? Needs are the basic elements you must have in place to feel happy, loved and taken care of. Needs are both physical and emotional. If your needs are being met, you can feel content. For many people, the need for financial security and a smoothly running household are fundamental to being able to relax in life. For others, daily conversation or weekly sexual intimacy are basic needs. Do you know what your set of needs are? Have you ever told your lover what you need to feel taken care of?
Only once your basic needs are met can your authentic desires emerge. A great relationship can help you not only meet your needs, but start fulfilling your desires. Desires are what make life exciting, and what make you who you are! Each of us has a unique constellation of desires. Does your lover know your authentic desires (in AND out of the bedroom?) Many people who experience a lack of desire are not getting their basic needs met. Having honest conversations about both your needs and desires is the only way to create a relationship that fully satisfies both of you.
Healthy boundaries are crucial in any relationship. What is essential is to learn how to create strong boundaries that allow you to fully trust and invest in your relationship without putting a sexual muzzle on one another. How can you create a monogamous relationship that feels liberating, rather than constraining? How can you understand sexual exclusivity as an act of devotion? Can you give your partner permission to be a fully independent sexual being while trusting them to maintain the trust in your relationship? These are the essential questions we all need to explore to figure out how to keep long term relationships fulfilling in order to prevent cheating.
Take a moment in the next few days to check in - with yourself or your lover - about what your needs and desires are right now in life. Ask yourself what you need to feel happier and more secure in life. Then go deeper and name what you most desire right now, sexually or otherwise. Only by naming your needs and desires can you live a joyful, meaningful life, our highest wish for you!