Do you want better sex, more intimacy and stronger orgasms? Do you want to feel more sexually satisfied and have way more fun in bed? Yes? Then it is time to go back to the basics and recommit to Foreplay 101. Foreplay isn't just about going through the motions to get to the "main event."
The art of foreplay is all about seduction: preparing your mind and body for arousal and orgasms. So if you want more orgasmic sex, invest more time in foreplay. Here are 6 foreplay essentials that are guaranteed to make sex way more fun and pleasurable.
Foreplay Essential #1: Kindness
Foreplay starts long before your clothes come off. Your entire relationship is a form of foreplay. How you treat one another on a daily basis will have a major impact on the quality of your sex life. To get your minds in the mood for sex, you must treat one another with kindness, generosity and loyalty. Treat one another like royalty and you begin the foreplay process, planting the seeds of desire in one another. To set the foundation for a great sex life, pay attention to how you treat one another every day.
Simple forms of foreplay include affectionate words, compliments and expressions of gratitude. Also try simple acts of service like bringing one another drinks, letting your tired partner relax while you clean up after dinner, or offering one another a little foot massage while you watch TV. These simple acts of kindness keep you close and connected, so you are much more likely to want to have sex when you have the opportunity!
Foreplay Essential #2: Flirtation
Flirtation is an important part of foreplay. Flirting isn't just for singles — once you are in a relationship, make sure to flirt with your partner every day! Flirting is all about creating short, spontaneous moments of attraction and desire. Flirting can be as simple as a coy tease during dinner ("What’s for dessert, darling?") or as elaborate as a long love note sent to your lover's office. One of the most powerful ways of flirting in a relationship is increasing body contact. As you walk by your lover, drag your fingertips along his shoulders. Give his butt a light spank as he leans over to load the dishwasher. When you hug, let your hips sink into his body so he feels your heat. When you amp up the flirtation, desire will start simmering and you remind one another to pay attention to the attraction that brought you together in the first place!
Foreplay Essential #3: Initiation
Let's face it: spontaneous sex is pretty rare. It isn't common for both you and your partner to be totally in the mood and ready to pounce at the same time. The good news, however, is with a dedication to foreplay and a happy relationship, when one of you is in the mood you can choose to initiate and see what the other is up for. Many people don't initiate sex out of fear of rejection. This is a paralyzing fear that holds so many of us back from asking for what we want. If you can get over this hurdle and choose to initiate sex without being attached to the outcome, you'll have much more frequent (and higher quality) sex.
The trick is learning how to initiate without putting a ton of pressure on your partner. Let go of the idea that every intimate encounter has to end in intercourse. Instead, be open to any form of intimacy, even if it is just making out, cuddling, or one way erotic touch. With this mindset, go after what you want when you want it, and be willing more receptive when your lover initiates. Take a moment to savor the moment and ask one another "What are you up for right now?" Then do as much or as little as you are authentically in the mood for. Even if it is just one long kiss, that kiss matters and continues to build the charge between you. Let go of the "all or nothing" attitude towards sex and you’ll have way more fun.
Foreplay Essential #4: Relaxation
If you are both in the mood for a sexual encounter, you must start by relaxing. This sounds counter-intuitive, since our image of sex tends to be all about passion and out-of-breath acrobatics. The truth is, relaxation is an essential stage in preparing the body for arousal! It is impossible to get aroused if you are stressed out, and let's face it — most of us are chronic stress cases!
Take a few minutes to relax one another with full body massage. Just a few minutes of massage can create full body relaxation and get you ready to start building arousal. It is simply the most powerful tool for transitioning from your busy day into the pleasure zone of sex.
Foreplay Essential #5: Surrender
Once you are naked, relaxed and connected through the power of massage, it is time to surrender. This isn't about erotic power exchange (although if you are interested in rough sex, find out how to begin exploring that in our free podcast episode here. Surrender is about going fully into the erotic experience and choosing to focus fully on the pleasure at hand. Full body touch, naked body-to-body contact and lots of kissing helps many people make the leap into their erotic state of mind. Figure out what works for you to flip the switch and then request that your partner includes those things as you seduce one another into feeling aroused and ready for sex.
Foreplay Essential #6: Arousal
Now that you are relaxed and in the mood for sex, the final phase of foreplay is all about building arousal. Your full body is warmed up, you are connected to your partner and now it is time to start building one another's arousal towards the bliss of orgasmic release. The very best way to build arousal is with your hands using erotic touch techniques. Touch can be electrifying if you know how to do it well, so take some time to master the art of building your lover’s arousal with skilled, confident touch.
Once you begin amping up arousal, you can move towards orgasmic release in so many different ways. Again, let go of the idea of every sexual encounter ending in intercourse and you'll find much more freedom to be playful and exploratory in bed. For women, clitoral and g-spot stimulation can be a fully orgasmic erotic experience. For men, an extended handjob can be a luxurious way to experience prolonged arousal and profound orgasms. For both men and women, oral sex is an amazing way to build towards a powerful orgasmic experience. And if you are both in the mood, intercourse is a beautiful way to make love! Just remember that most women don't experience orgasm during intercourse so make sure her needs are taken care of through other forms of erotic stimulation.
Foreplay is more than a few quick kisses before moving on to "real sex!" Foreplay is all about the slow seduction of the mind and body into the erotic zone, freeing you up to build arousal and fully surrender to the erotic experience. Everyone needs foreplay on an ongoing basis if they are ever going to be in the mood for sex — so make sure you never stop stoking the flames of desire.
Have any questions about foreplay or any other part of your sex life? Get in touch with us at PleasureMechanics.com for free, personalized sex advice. An amazing sex life is possible and we are here to guide you every step of the way!
More foreplay advice on YourTango:
- Redefining Foreplay: Turn Each Other On Outside The Bedroom
- My Boyfriend Doesn't Give Me Foreplay [VIDEO]
- Foreplay: 7 Tips That'll Make Your Man Go Wild [EXPERT]