Five Simple Ways to Draw Others To You
What a great word. How HOT to be seductive. When people hear the word seduction they typically think of sex. I think seduction is much deeper than that. To be seductive means “to draw the other to us.” We can seduce anyone if we have the right tools. That means we can seduce in business, in friendship, our children, our romantic relationships, our co-workers and bosses. Seduction is a feeling you have about yourself that gets externalized through your behavior, your posture and your energy. To have seductive energy is powerful, and if practiced its results are unfathomable. I will touch on Five Seductive Qualities that are simple to master with conscious effort.
Posture. How you hold yourself in the world either communicates low self-esteem or the beauty of self-sufficiency. Think about how someone who is seductive would carry themselves? Imagine someone who has an elegant, tall, long posture (no matter the stature). Think about this person, male or female…tall, long, the chin slightly lifted. Did you know that a simple change in posture can alter your entire emotional energy? This is proven through neuroscience. If you are having an insecure moment…just stand a little taller and the impact on your mood and frequency is immediate. When we stand taller the chest opens and we breathe. When we sense that a person has enough calm to really breathe, we are drawn to them.
When you see someone with poor posture what is their body language communicating to the world? Low self-worth. Their posture is hunched over, the eye contact is to the floor, their facial expression shows uncertainty and their body does not smile. Everyone, and I mean everyone, has some “thing” they feel good about. Find that some-thing, think about it, harness the emotions that it produces and let your body express it. I am not suggesting you overexaggerate your posture to overcompensate for low self-worth. I am saying make a slight change in your posture and let your energy do the rest.
Emotions are energy. If you are swimming in negative emotion, you will have poor posture. If you have positive emotions you will exude great energy. This great energy is what seduces others to you. How you feel determines your life experience. If a simple shift in posture can produce positive feelings. Start to focus on makingthis one change and you will see a difference in your life.
Pace. Pace is about speed and/or rhythm. How do you walk through the world? Are you moving quickly, not noticing anything but the agenda you are trying to reach? Are you moving at a pace that says there is not enough time for pleasure? If you were carrying an essence of seduction how would you move through your world? Americans are always rushing, rushing, rushing. We live as if time is always running out and pleasure is simply a side dish. What if you gave yourself a little more time in your day so that when you were on your way to your next responsibility you could walk slowly and unhurriedly. Your walk would be graceful and patient. You could actually acknowledge those around you with eye contact, a sweet smile and maybe add some light touch. Your essence will be patient as if pleasure is always on its way to you.
When we slow our pace, we walk like we have moccasins on. I always think about floating through the world as I move. I have a gazillion responsibilities in a day, but I can still move with a seductive pace noticing those around me, saying hello and giving eye contact to others. A little acknowledgement of the other goes a long way, and when you walk by people think “wow, that person is so nice.” Thus, you seduce others to you.
Composure. The word composure itself is seductive. Think about composure and apply it to any activity you are involved in. For example, food. How would a composed person eat? Would they eat in a rush, not care about food choices, eat too much, have poor manners? No, they would take their time eating, getting the full experience out of each bite. They would wait until they had finished chewing whatever was in their mouth before filling it with another bite. If we eat with composure we would make choices for our bodies that were fresh, clean and alive to match our energy as a person. A composed person would eat smaller portions because eating is not an emergency. They would remind themselves, “this is not the last meal of my life, I can eat again in 3 hours.” They would sit tall and poised while eating making time for great conversation and laughter. The body language would be upright, involved, conscious and interested. Seductive.
Personal Style. Classy is sexy. Leave a little mystery. Decorate your outsides to show the world how you feel about yourself inside. Find whatever styles, clothes and scents uniquely fit and express you. Try to stay away from other people’s sense of style and find your own. You are a beautiful blank canvas. Your body and how you present yourself tells the world something about you. I especially love a man who has his own sense of style. Classy doesn’t mean clothes from head to toe. Classy/sexy and age appropriate are seductive. I have found the exact store, the perfect scent and the perfect mak-up for me. As I began really experimenting with this people began to say “that is such a Sherrie outfit.” Bingo!! That’s what I want.
Age appropriate dress is especially important as we get older. Less is more. When we dress to our age in a way that is sexy the other sex finds it enticing. Bosses find it more respectful, our children see a role model and our friends see us a comfortable with who we are. I see many people who are 40 and up and they have near identical ensembles and their teenage children. As we age, we don’t want to look like teenagers. Women all want a “man”, and men all want a “woman.” Maturity is seductive because it expresses confidence. We don’t have to bare it all for someone to find us seductive. In fact, it is someone who is slightly elusive that is the most interesting. When we are obvious, we get noticed, but quickly looked over. When we are elusive we get pursued.
I believe it is important to feel sexy. It is important for me. It is important for intimacy and important for confidence. I set out on a journey to find all the things that felt like “me.” It is so fun to decorate myself. I encourage you to do the same. There is nothing a new outfit can’t do to help you feel better about yourself, male or female. The better you feel about yourself the more enhanced your essence will become. We are all unique and different beings. We can tell each other apart by not conforming. Express your unique self through the style that YOU like, and use this as a way to leave your imprint upon the world.
Volume: the loudness with which we speak, our tone or how we sound acoustically, the content we discuss, and the speed within which we share are all great determiners of either pushing others away or pulling them into you.
Voice: The voice is a powerful tool for seduction. I am not suggesting you get into a mode of panting and cooing. That is not the kind of seduction that will get people to take you seriously. If we reflect, loud is anti-seductive. Loud anything is anti-seductive. In fact, the most repulsive form of language is argument. I have yet to hear a quiet argument. To respond to a situation with anger and/or defensiveness is to look ugly and defensive. To be defensive means ‘not open to new information.’ To be open-minded and humble is to show willingness to change and grow, which is seductive. When we are open-minded we give off an energy that we can take the ‘other’ in and see them.
To have too small of a voice also speaks of low self-worth. It is finding your way into middle where you use your voice to express the emotional state of your self-worth. To speak slowly, deliberately and with interest expresses that you genuinely know yourself. It shows that you have control over your emotional state and this makes the other take you more seriously. When you have an aura of self-sufficiency and openness you are sure to draw others to you. They will not be able to help themselves because they will find you interesting and grounded. To be interesting is much more seductive than to be good looking.
Content: Find your differentiated voice. A seductive voice is one that speaks of ideas and truths. A loud voice gossips about people. Loudness is all about drawing attention to yourself in a low frequency way. You will get attention through others repulsion. Pay attention to people in your world and see who you think has a seductive way of speaking and use of their language. What kinds of things do they talk about? Finding that middle place, finding your voice means you need to know yourself. You know who you are and you use that beautiful voice to share who you are with the world. The only true place of sharing comes through the throat. The world knows who we are by what we speak about and by how we speak for ourselves.
Speed: the speed within which we speak also communicates something about our self worth. Often those who speak quickly are not great listeners. When we speak with an unhurried pace and we are good listeners, we show that we are interested in the other, not just interested in hearing ourselves speak. Anxiety is the one emotion that causes us to speak fast and to be uncomfortable with silence. Anxiety is also the emotion that creates a poor listener. Most people who over speak or dominate conversations are the great interrupters. Think about how it feels when you are trying to express yourself and you get interrupted. It makes you frustrated with person who cannot listen because they are so full of themselves. It is much more seductive to listen then to rattle on about nothing. Practice patience and listening in your next conversation. When you do speak, you will then be seen as having something important and of value to say.
Little life message: seduction is energy. Practice being seductive and document all the compliments you begin to receive. Have fun and love yourself!!