By Sherrie Campbell — Written on May 30, 2012
I have found reading books about loss, death or breaking up are immensely helpful when we are grieving. It normalizes for us that what we are feeling is the natural reaction to the loss experienced and it also takes the crazy out of it. We cannot be alone in this experience if there are books written about it; no need to further self-punish. I can also tell you this: if a relationship has ended in our life, in the big picture, we will see it was for our highest good and this perception only comes with time. This is not something we can see while grieving but if we have lost an important relationship there is some form of a new life and a new sense of self just waiting to be embraced. So read, write in a journal and get all emotions and thoughts gathered, purged, and understood. We may even discover new things about us we never would have been able to discover without this loss.
When we start over and we are productively grieving by reading, writing, talking to friends and/or therapist and exercising we will start to feel successful at the end of each day that we survived alone. It is at this moment we start to have the realization that we can do life on our own and in our own way; this is a magnificent feeling. We may still be lonely but we are surviving and growing. I am certain that we have emotional pain to be used as means for growth and evolution. When one way of life ends, it is signaling us that another way, ready or not, is creating the space to begin. In this way, it is best to surrender. It does no good to chase after someone who has chosen to separate from us, as whatever we chase will run away. If we have been dropped off in life to be with ourselves then we will have to learn to be with ourselves. Why Men Move On So Quickly After A Breakup
We will go from feeling by ourselves to surviving our new lives, with a large amount of discomfort, to finally settling into the new life we have and beginning to feel how we are with ourselves. In our time of discomfort we cried, got angry, were able to see where maybe we could have been better or different, and where we needed our partner to be better or different. This is all incredible knowledge in that we are learning from many differing perceptions what we like and don't like about others and ourselves. We will learn, if we are open, that at the end of the day we have to be happy and fulfilled as individuals.