Reasons why your money and your marriage are sometimes like July 4th in February…and how to fix that. [EXPERT]
Nature did not invent the $20 bill. But she did give us gold, silver and platinum. The $20 bill gave us Neiman Marcus.
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Since the dawn of man (woman) the accumulation of ‘stuff’ has defined who a man was; not his innate goodness, his kindness nor his humor. The more one had, the more power he had, the more control he had. This was all driven by fear, not by the desire to help others live with compassion and empathy. Survival was paramount, and frankly, still is.
When we have conflicting money issues in our relationships, they did not start with ‘I do’ but rather generations ago and they are based on social values and mores that underlie everything we see and touch.
What we have learned through the thousands of years is that the very thing that is used to measure a person’s worthiness is exactly what we should not talk about and in fact, we attach shame to it. Unfortunately, this backwards approach only makes it harder to talk about.
Our relationship to our wallet parallels our relationship to our partner; when the two intersect it can feel like erupting firecrackers. Each of us brings to the relationship a pre-set list of taboos, fears, expectations, and dreams.
Not talking about the hidden ‘stuff’ will control you and have you making choices that sometimes don’t suit you or worse, build resentment that will explode down the road.
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Talk soon, talk often…silence will kill a relationship. Put time aside where you have privacy and commit yourself to being truthful, vulnerable and clear. Have compassion for yourself and for what your partner will share as well. This is a primary relationship and deserves respect as well as protection. Guarding what is precious speaks volumes about our values.
Reading my book: It's NEVER about the money...even when it is, is an easy way to gain insights into your own relationships...and more importantly, yourself.