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Your Relationship Can Feel Like The Fourth Of July In Feb. [EXP

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Your Relationship Can Feel Like The Fourth Of July In Feb. [EXP

Reasons why your money and your marriage are sometimes like July 4th in February…and how to fix that. [EXPERT]  

Nature did not invent the $20 bill. But she did give us gold, silver and platinum. The $20 bill gave us Neiman Marcus.

More from YourTango: You And Your Financial Secrets: Why Faking It Won't Work Anymore

Since the dawn of man (woman) the accumulation of ‘stuff’ has defined who a man was; not his innate goodness, his kindness nor his humor. The more one had, the more power he had, the more control he had. This was all driven by fear, not by the desire to help others live with compassion and empathy. Survival was paramount, and frankly, still is. 

When we have conflicting money issues in our relationships, they did not start with ‘I do’ but rather generations ago and they are based on social values and mores that underlie everything we see and touch. 

What we have learned through the thousands of years is that the very thing that is used to measure a person’s worthiness is exactly what we should not talk about and in fact, we attach shame to it. Unfortunately, this backwards approach only makes it harder to talk about.  

Our relationship to our wallet parallels our relationship to our partner; when the two intersect it can feel like erupting firecrackers. Each of us brings to the relationship a pre-set list of taboos, fears, expectations, and dreams.  

Not talking about the hidden ‘stuff’ will control you and have you making choices that sometimes don’t suit you or worse, build resentment that will explode down the road. 

Talk soon, talk often…silence will kill a relationship. Put time aside where you have privacy and commit yourself to being truthful, vulnerable and clear. Have compassion for yourself and for what your partner will share as well. This is a primary relationship and deserves respect as well as protection. Guarding what is precious speaks volumes about our values.

More from YourTango: The Upside Of Anger

Reading my book: It's NEVER about the money...even when it is, is an easy way to gain insights into your own relationships...and more importantly, yourself.

 

For a free PDF of my book, check out my website, www.thefinancialwhisperer.com  Sign up for my blog/newsletter and send me an e-mail with "TANGO" in the subject line, and we'll send you back the book.

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Pegi Burdick

Money Coach

Pegi Burdick

The Financial Whisperer® Untangling Your Money From Your Emotions

Check out my book:  It's NEVER about the Money...even when it is

Location: Los Angeles, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Empowering Women, Financial Stress, Life Management
Other Articles/News by Pegi Burdick:

You And Your Financial Secrets: Why Faking It Won't Work Anymore

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One of the benefits of having a pre-martial chat about money is that one walks into the commitment feeling 'clean'; no secrets, no worrying at 3AM because you have debts you never told your partner about and they are looming up. Money issues bring up a wheel barrel of issues including shame, fear and isolation — the trifecta of ... Read more

The Upside Of Anger

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Bringing your pre-relationship Anger ‘luggage' into your marriage can sometimes be a positive thing, believe it or not. Have you noticed, everyone is becoming edgier, crankier? Lately, I have been noticing at an alarming rate of increase, people around me, on the streets, driving, standing on line getting coffee, are short fused. Say ... Read more

Is Your Emotional Isolation Destroying Your Relationship?

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People often confuse loneliness with isolation. When pressed, most people struggle with the difference and end up asking me to explain. There are three levels of isolation. They are:  People are physically separated or have minimal contact with others. People interact on a more personal level i.e. the workplace. There is a familiarity, maybe ... Read more

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