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Why Honesty Is Essential For Intimacy

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Why Honesty Is Essential For Intimacy
Don't avoid the hard questions.
What topics do you avoid that could control your relationship?

How big is the elephant in your living room? The things we avoid talking about will keep us away from the nectar of life: intimacy. In our marriage vows, we mention loyalty down to our passing: "to have and to hold, till death do us part." But what about respect, honesty and acceptance? Do we really know that person we are committing ourselves to for a lifetime?

How well do we even know ourselves? What happens to that mis-matched "luggage" we bring into that key relationship? Those behaviors and attitudes are functioning all the time, sometimes visibly and sometimes covertly. But they are cookin' all the time.

More from YourTango: You And Your Financial Secrets: Why Faking It Won't Work Anymore

It's like having a wooden leg inside your slacks … not visible to the next person. Felt acutely by the owner but hidden. Then, something forces you to run really fast and jump. Well, you can't do the fast part or the jump part ... the day of reckoning is here.

Your partner in the race confronts you with, "Why didn't you tell me you had a wooden leg?" You feel shame and all of your fears come tumbling out of the proverbial closet. Your worst fears become known but you can't even use the appropriate words to explain why because you feel like you are five-years-old again and terrified. You feel like crying.

More from YourTango: The Upside Of Anger

Where do you go from here? He's furious and feels you have not been forthright with him. You're silent and totally self-conscious with your exposed shame about money. But here's the good part: marriage gives us rights and entitlements. We have physical options, we have the social acceptance of being put first, we had good reasons or so we thought, to fall in love and marry; we chose that person over someone else. Keep reading ...

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Pegi Burdick

Money Coach

Pegi Burdick

The Financial Whisperer® Untangling Your Money From Your Emotions

Check out my book:  It's NEVER about the Money...even when it is

Location: Los Angeles, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Empowering Women, Financial Stress, Life Management
Other Articles/News by Pegi Burdick:

You And Your Financial Secrets: Why Faking It Won't Work Anymore

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One of the benefits of having a pre-martial chat about money is that one walks into the commitment feeling 'clean'; no secrets, no worrying at 3AM because you have debts you never told your partner about and they are looming up. Money issues bring up a wheel barrel of issues including shame, fear and isolation — the trifecta of ... Read more

The Upside Of Anger

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Bringing your pre-relationship Anger ‘luggage' into your marriage can sometimes be a positive thing, believe it or not. Have you noticed, everyone is becoming edgier, crankier? Lately, I have been noticing at an alarming rate of increase, people around me, on the streets, driving, standing on line getting coffee, are short fused. Say ... Read more

Is Your Emotional Isolation Destroying Your Relationship?

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People often confuse loneliness with isolation. When pressed, most people struggle with the difference and end up asking me to explain. There are three levels of isolation. They are:  People are physically separated or have minimal contact with others. People interact on a more personal level i.e. the workplace. There is a familiarity, maybe ... Read more

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