We learn how to suppress our anger early in our childhoods from the time we exit the womb. How our caregivers responded to our cries sent us a message, and because we were so dependent on others to take care of us, we shifted from being authentic, to being adaptive in order to survive.
That ‘track' of adaptation as I call it, will carry us into adulthood and even to our grave, if we ignore it. We will not have the control; those childhood feelings run the adapted track, they will have the control.
The secret to re-gaining control is: change your perspective. Your identity is based upon your feelings. If you are angry, never ignore it, never feel guilty about those feelings, and never diminish them. But, do give them space to breathe, do apply the accurate language (feeling powerless, resentful, dis-respected, feeling left out, etc).
Taking actions to remedy those feelings so that you can move on, might take minutes, hours, even days as you mull over the best course of action.
A Buddhist wrote: "You cannot see your reflection in moving water.” And, if you add that to Einstein's profound statement of: "The side of your brain that created the problem is not the same side to fix the problem," you start to see that taking a different perspective gives permission to view the problems or the feelings from a fresh view. Your authentic track not your adapted track, made the choice to gain control by shifting the your perspective.
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