I always ask clients to tell me where SHAME appears in their lives. Often their first reply is: “I don’t have any…” It’s only after defining it and showing how their current day behaviors could be linked to experiences as a very young child, do the stories start to reveal themselves.
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In that isolation, our demons come out to play. We ‘run the film’ of what might happen, feeding the SHAME monster, keeping us small and away from who we really are, keeping us away from our partner.
The SHAME we feel and that often gets played out in our finances, body images, lack of boundaries, staying in toxic relationships. It can be fixed.
We cannot go back and undo the damage that was fostered on us as a five-year old but we can remove it as we move forward.
The answer to: How To Remove SHAME is two-fold: Build self-awareness so you can identify it as it happens and reach out to someone you trust and share it. This is a wonderful opportunity to build closeness with your partner.
Painful and scary as it will feel, the sense of liberation and being released from ‘prison’ will make it worth the risk.
Ask yourself these five questions:
Do you have difficulty accepting compliments?
Do you believe you are lovable?
When things go awry, do you criticize yourself?
Do you feel responsible for others actions?
Do you worry about the future?
Remember, we ALL have feelings of SHAME whether we acknowledge it or not.
Reading my book: It's NEVER about the money...even when it is, is an easy way to gain insights into your own relationships...and more importantly, yourself.
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