You need to talk to each other about creating and being committed to a savings strategy: every paycheck, a portion must go directly into a designated account. No arguments.
Only then can you create and commit a small amount from every paycheck into a separate account for those unexpected, "must-pay" expenses: new tires, water heater repair, a crown for a tooth, your kid's broken arm, etc.
Financial stability is about predictability. It's about creating security together, even when only one of the partners is bringing home the bacon. Women traditionally worry about their children first and financial stability second. Men worry about their legacy and having the competitive edge. But there is no guarantee that his (or your) job will last forever; no one is indispensable.
What this recent economic downturn has told us is that you be conscious of your spending and take your head out of the sand. Live within your means so your worrying decreases, take on expenses that are realistic and talk about money in a calm way with your partner. Everything can be resolved if you talk about it calmly, instead of attacking each other. Attack comes from fear and makes resolution impossible.
If there is a double standard about spending in your home where you and he spend in different and unsupportable ways, the only path to resolution is through dialogue, trust and commitment. In the end, you probably can get what you need and perhaps much of what you each want. Just learn to accept that you may not be able to spend as you did back when you both were single and free of responsibilities.
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