Fighting With Your Sweetie Only Makes You Bitter


Fighting With Your Sweetie Only Makes You Bitter
Do you have the same argument with your partner, over and over again?

Fighting With Your Sweetie Over Money Just Makes You Bitter.

Do you have the same fight over and over again with your partner over finances? Consider the root of the problem. Are your opinions on finances totally different? Here, learn how to fix the issue for good.

More from YourTango: You And Your Financial Secrets: Why Faking It Won't Work Anymore

There was a television show back in the 70’s called: The NewlyWed Show. On that show, three couples were asked a range of questions that were about habits, borderline intimate, but always revealing what one did not know about their partner.

It was clear that many couples did not pay enough attention to some of the more obvious elements about their partner; eye color, what they really thought of their in-laws,  one’s foibles,  their ‘hot-list’, etc.
I was too young to understand any money questions…or maybe they were never asked.

Paying attention is the most profound form of love; thoughtfulness tells your partner, sibling, friend or child, you SEE them; they matter.

Being heard and then respected for those concerns, is the cornerstone of a solid relationship, regardless of it’s nature.

It astonishes me how couples…even together for 40+ years, still argue over the same issues. That tells me two things:
They need to fight over X because it is known territory, predictable and part of their identity in that relationship. (Think: “the devil you know, vs the devil you don’t" ).
They are afraid of change. They are afraid of crossing some invisible trip wire that will forever alter their relationship. External control is more important than honesty. Status quo is comfortable.

Often, the money squabbles are really masking other, deeper issues. But, what are they and how do you ‘fix’ them?
1. Pay attention! It's critical in any relationship because it’s about choosing to be aware at that moment. It's about being present. It takes practice, but it is a choice within your power.

2. Being present is about reality at this moment, this threshold of time. Being present requires that you have a clear mind, devoid of your fears. It requires that you stay calm, acknowledge your anger, and stay open so that you maintain control and can take a step back and have a perspective.

3. Telling the truth. The adult you hold dearest is your life partner; the person you committed yourself to, forever. If you’ve skipped the ‘pre-martial chat’, as I call it, it’s not too late to come clean and spill the beans.

More from YourTango: The Upside Of Anger

Frankly, it will do wonders for your sense of trust and intimacy. If he doesn’t share his feelings about what money triggers within him, then you have a train wreck that was going to happen anyway, someday.

For more great tips on love and money - plus a free PDF of my book, check out my website!
Sign up for my blog/newsletter and send me an e-mail with "TANGO" in the subject line, and we'll send you back the book.

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Pegi Burdick

Money Coach

Pegi Burdick

The Financial Whisperer® Untangling Your Money From Your Emotions

Check out my book:  It's NEVER about the Money...even when it is

Location: Los Angeles, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Empowering Women, Financial Stress, Life Management
Other Articles/News by Pegi Burdick:

You And Your Financial Secrets: Why Faking It Won't Work Anymore


One of the benefits of having a pre-martial chat about money is that one walks into the commitment feeling 'clean'; no secrets, no worrying at 3AM because you have debts you never told your partner about and they are looming up. Money issues bring up a wheel barrel of issues including shame, fear and isolation — the trifecta of ... Read more

The Upside Of Anger


Bringing your pre-relationship Anger ‘luggage' into your marriage can sometimes be a positive thing, believe it or not. Have you noticed, everyone is becoming edgier, crankier? Lately, I have been noticing at an alarming rate of increase, people around me, on the streets, driving, standing on line getting coffee, are short fused. Say ... Read more

Is Your Emotional Isolation Destroying Your Relationship?


People often confuse loneliness with isolation. When pressed, most people struggle with the difference and end up asking me to explain. There are three levels of isolation. They are:  People are physically separated or have minimal contact with others. People interact on a more personal level i.e. the workplace. There is a familiarity, maybe ... Read more

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