Financial secrets in a relationship are the most common and the hardest to overcome. Relationships are complicated on a good day; on a bad day, they can feel like 3 level tic-tac-toe while skate boarding. Roller coasters are easy compared to the highs and lows of what can go on in a relationship.
Sometimes, both parties feel as if their needs are at cross-purposes and there is no easy solution in sight. Communication breaks down, no one seems to be in control, no one has a perspective, no one is steering the ship. Yikes!! Then add secrets. KA-BOOM! An accident waiting to happen.
Why do we have secrets? If the primary drive in all species is survival, warmth and closeness, and humans then add acceptance to that drive, it would then follow that: tampering with acceptance holds a lot of negative energy. To say something that might create rejection becomes the playground for shame. Lose lips sink ships.
Typically, if we have a secret, regardless of it’s content, we will put more energy, consciously or not, into guarding it rather than sharing it, letting go of it, using it for an opportunity for intimacy and closeness. When we add financial issues to our ‘secret room’, the guarding of that will result in behaviors that feel unnatural. Yet, we justify the behaviors and hope no one challenges us.
And, the irony becomes: when we uncover our partner doing the same, we become outraged and indignant. Hmmmm. There is no upside, no positive outcome when we keep secrets in our relationships, it just breeds distance.
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